Bro love in india

As promised, it's time for the much anticipated bro love blog! I was reminded this morning of how tickled it makes me to watch two grown men express their platonic love. Brad and I took the 6am train from Jaipur to Delhi this morning- it was literally a reminder that you get what you pay for. When buying the tickets he asked which class and I simply responded "reserved seat". I didn't see why I would need air conditioning and so for the bargain price of 198 rupees ($4) we got two train tickets. The train from Delhi to Agra was phenomenal so I guessed it was the same deal. So, so wrong. I basically bought a seat on a park bench crammed in between two people with three more facing me. The window was busted out, the wind biting, and the ride was five hours long. But I tried not to complain (I'm still cold even now) and instead I watched those around me. The two men sitting opposite me sat on each others laps, held hands, and laughed through most of the trip. Abnormal behavior? Not in India. India is the land of bro love. If i offend you and you don't like what I have to say then please feel free to stop reading. I am not trying to make any sweeping generalizations and I am certainly not any sort of expert after two weeks. I simply have a hypothesis, and this is my take on love in India...

I came here knowing that PDA between couples is not really accepted here. I was told you don't really even hold hands and that embracing your love is for the bedroom only. I knew India was a deeply religious country with hinduism and Islam being the major religions. What I came to realize after being here awhile is that arranged marriages are still the norm here. I have developed this fascination with the topic and ask all sorts of people about it now. "was your marriage arranged by your family?" "will you pick your daughters husband?" the answer is almost always yes. I have yet to meet someone who chose by "love", although i know there must be some out there too. Arranged marriages are not only accepted, but preferred by many! Two girls, age 16, told me "it's much better when our parents choose because they have much more life experience." Just imagine hearing that from an American teen. I have been asked several times if I "chose" brad, and I have even had to say that we are already married a few times due to social situations. You just do not live with someone before marriage here. There are also exchanges of goods from the brides family to the man and she goes to live with the groom (and his joint family if they live that way). One of our taxi drivers told me that India is starting to change and sometimes the bride or groom have a say but this is the minority. Hindus marry Hindus, Muslims marry Muslims, and some live happily ever after. There are entire services devoted to helping families choose the right spouse. We even got to witness an Indian wedding (yes, I sort of snuck in) and it was an event to behold- so beautiful. But after finding out about the dating culture I began to understand why this is not a county of public displays of affection- you don't even know if you like the person sometimes. You have to court them first and they are often chosen for you. That's when bro love comes into play.

Humans have needs and affection is one of them. In my humble opinion due to a lack of public affection between couples there has grown a cultural norm of men expressing love for their friends through all sorts of ways. There is PDA, only it's between guys. They walk down the streets holding hands, linking pinkies, hugging, and it's totally normal. In America men don't even like to sit too close to one another- here men sit on one another's lap and read the paper. True story. I am getting quite used to it at this point although it still gives me a smile to see men embrace openly. I am not sure how homosexuals are received in India and I would love to do more research, but the language gap prevails so far. Bro love isn't about that though- it's about holding your friends hand and brotherhood. It's about companions. It's strange to me sometimes though because india seems a bit sexually repressed yet I have never been oogled, catcalled, clicked at, and stared at more in my life. Mostly harmless but it makes me really uncomfortable sometimes. However, sometimes you just have to laugh at the sight of two men holding hands turning around to stare at you in the street.

Divorce doesn't seem to be commonplace here and from what i understand women get to marry once so you have to hope your family made the right choice. What is the future of love in India? As things become more "western" one can only guess. Maybe the times are changing and arranged marriages someday will become a thing of the past. But there will always be love between friends and I, for one, support the bro love.