Shiny shells and deep thoughts

The waves of Gili Trawangan softly crash on the white sand shores, their crests bringing little shells and chunks of coral to the surface. During low tide the turquoise waters retreat back into the ocean and begin to break on the rocky outcropping of coral that surrounds the island. Palm trees sway in the breeze and seem to dance to the call to prayer heard five times daily from the Muslim Mosque nearby. With no cars, no cable, and no interruptions it's almost like being on Gilligan's Island except with much better food and Bintang beer and Sangria. I seriously love it here. As I drink my glass of Lombak coffee this morning I find myself feeling a little sad already thinking about the return back to Bali tomorrow.

Each day I have found myself going for a walk and looking for a specific type of shell, called "Shiva's Eye". These flat shells have a beautiful spiral and were once the trapdoor to a type of snail's shell but at the end of the snail's life they release them into the ocean. These shells are supposed to bring great energy and symbolize wisdom and the flow of life. In the beginning it was all about the hunt for the shell but the past few days it has become about something else. Looking for these shells has become my own walking meditation. I walk, and look, and am completely immersed in one moment in time and no other. Sometimes i will sing while I walk but I am just aware of looking and noticing things around me with no other thoughts. This time of being completely in the present is such a gift as I find that to be so rare in my crazy mind that is constantly swirling with ideas. During this time I am filled with a contented quiet.

Brad and I are different types of "thinkers". I spend a large majority of my time thinking about the future. At times this can be positive as it helps me to plan ahead proactively but the majority of the time it doesn't really provide great benefit. I think about what I want to do later, where I am going next, what I am going to eat for dinner, what future problem might arise, what I will do when the future problem arises, etc. I have been like this for the majority of my life- always thinking about the next step and what's to come. Whether I am excited about something to come or dreading something in the future it's always about the next thing. Brad on the other hand is a past thinker. He lets the future come as it may but spends a lot of his time reflecting upon the positive choices and regrets of his past. He spends his time "sifting through shattered memories to piece together the past" (his words). Not all of his reflection is negative by any means as it helps to create more positive choices in the present and the future but this self reflection can be painful and we all know you cannot change what has already happened. So here we are, the yin and the yang, future and past thinkers. Where does that leave the present?

During those wonderful walks, known as my shell meditations, I am aware of just that moment. I came to this self realization during one such walk and I suddenly knew that living in the moment is one of the integral keys to inner peace. Thinking too much about the past can bring a sense of regret or longing and focusing too much on the future promotes anticipation and often times anxiety or fear. We cannot know what is going to happen and we cannot change the past but we can live completely by embracing the current moment.

As the trip comes to a close I have chosen to not focus on the sadness of the impending end or the anxiety of the unknown future but rather enjoy each moment that comes my way. In the past few days we have seen bioluminescent plankton, snorkeled with sea turtles and shipwrecks, touched starfish in tide pools, and felt the grains of sand between our toes during those long walks on the beach.

Where do you spend your time? Are you someone who is lost in the swallows of the past, races ahead in your mind to the future, or envelops yourself in the simplicity of the moment? It's not an easy task to lead our minds where we want it to go but ultimately it is our own choice. It's easy to find beauty in your day if you are simply living in the moment without expectation or comparison- oh that wicked concept of comparison. We have to look towards the past to remember the roots of who we have become and we have to anticipate the future to know who we want to be but don't ever forget the present moment of who you are, right this second. Instead of spending my day today thinking of what is going to come tomorrow I am going to enjoy each minute of being in the present and feel blessed to be surrounded by those crystal blue waters on Gili T island.