Saturday, June 30, 2012

Bangkok rules! The Eagles do not!

As I contemplate the music that I have heard on this trip, I feel quite thankful to have heard a tremendous variety of cultural sounds made by many different instruments. The route we have taken has also funneled us through areas that are geared to draw the westerner. Colored lights and Hollywood movies, mushroom paintings and glow paint all of these have proven to work. In these places American music classics rule (like there is any competition, right?) Jack Johnson has been the most played artist by far but I dont want to talk about him. I hate how good his music makes me feel, how cool he is, how simple but deep his song lyrics are, and how his tunes go well with every type of setting, ohhhhhh he makes me so mad!
There has been an intense battle for the most played song raging throughout Asia. Whitney Houston had a brief spat at the top after her untimely exit from this world. I was crushed by the way. Nora Jones surprisingly has been quite a constant. Three years ago Rod Stuart had a solid hold in Thailand yet today sadly he seems to have all together disappeared. Good ole Bobby Marley has cooly attempted to secure victory with his timeless life advice not to worry about a thing and reminding us that if we don't have a women there is no need to cry. Of course MJ is a force to be reckoned with belting out his ballad for peaceful streets "Beat It".

In the end though the championship belt undoubtably goes to a little ditty that begins with a solitary bongo joined by a familiar guitar riff and then a raspy voice whines, "on a dark desert highway....."

Both studio versions, instrumentals, foreign language covers, dj remixes, bar cover bands, lounge versions, and I even heard it in an elevator tune in China. Hotel California; please go away.
I feel a little better after this rant but not enough, so without further ado here is another version that I have made to aquatint you all with a little southeast Asia:

In a dark airplane cabin, loud sneeze in my hair,
The warm smell of my sandals, rising up through the air,
Outside in the distance, Asia's glimmering lights,
were so bright that it made me grin, stay for 6 months we just might,
The monk lit up the candle, and he showed me the way,
I heard chanting through an alley door, thought I heard them say,

Welcome to the Motel southeast Asia,
such a crazy place,
with a spicy taste,
There's plenty of gloom at the Motel southeast Asia,
We need some A/C here,
And some ice for beer.

The bed is springy and twisted, the techno bass has no end, ungh!
There's lots pretty lady boys, for money will be your friends,
I wish for English closed captions, Chineeeeeeese is all we get,
That dog is dismembered, that I wish to forget,
So in here I'm the captain, hangin laundry on a line, the bathroom hasn't been cleaned in here since 1969,
And still cat voices are meowing from faaaaar away,
Roosters wake me up in the middle of the night just to hear them say,

Welcome to the Motel southeast Asia,
What a dingy place,
Bed bugs on my face,
Livin' it up at the No-tel southeast Asia,
What a nice surprise,
cockroach of enormous siiiiize,

Fungus on the ceiling, cheap champagne on ice,
(I said) we are all just staying here, cause trip advisor's advice,
In trash fire embers, stray dogs look for a feast,
Vendors selling' illegal knives, that protect us from the thiefs,
Last thing I remember I was running for the door,
I had to get the power back, 'cause hot showers are no more,
Relax said the desk man, 'it come back if believe',
'You can check out any time you like just pay in full before leave'.

Hope you enjoyed the new version. That all being said I wanted to touch on one last subject in this wrap up blog of sorts and that is my love of Bangkok. We have been in and out of this sprawling metropolis several times and have spent prolly about three weeks in total. We also went to just a few other cities along the way with which to compare it as well. I love this city! I really enjoy all it has to offer. I know I will return again and again because there is so much left to be done. I have come to feel comfortable around Thai pop music the language is soothing some how. The youth of Bangkok are so spunky and ambitious in the ways of western/Thai cultural fusion, it's fun to watch the many interests they have. There is also the older generations keeping Bangkok's old ways alive. It's these two ways that mix to make it all so intriguing. There are patterns everywhere under the seemingly utter chaos. I feel like I understand it's flow in general but also know that it's complicated underbelly could never be understood by anyone other than a Thai.

The song 'One Night in Bangkok' I learned is actually a song about chess and written for a musical about a chess match in Bangkok. This was news to me because I had it nearly memorized all the times I listened to it on this trip getting pumped up for travel and thought it spoke of something much deeper. It does say that Bangkok is a show with everything but Yul Brenner' This is true because sadly, the King of Siam actor has since passed on. 'You'll find a god in every golden cloister and if you're lucky then the guys a she' also true. 'The world's your oyster but the pearls ain't free.' Bangkok like this song is however how you choose to make it.

So I invite all to experience the splendor of Krung Thep the original 'city of angels'. It is in the Guinness book of records for longest city name. Bangkok was once on the other side of the Chao Phraya river until 1782 the king moved it to the more defensible site of today and named it Krung Thep. Many rural people's of the region may not even recognize the name Bangkok, only Krung Thep. King Rama 1 officially named it: Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Priman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsahukam Prasit.

Translation: the city of angels, the great city, the residence of the emerald Buddha, the impregnable city (of Ayutthaya) of god Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reins the reincarnated god, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukarn.

Yea it's all that.


Monday, June 25, 2012

Most Extreme Elimination Traveler!

*insert flashy theme song here*

Welcome ladies and gentleman to this week's grand episode of
Most Extreme Elimination Traveler! (cue loud applause and excited faces)

As we have travelled around Asia I have noted a consistent pattern of tourists looking down on so called "tourist" destinations. I understand many would like to think there is a distinction between tourist and traveller yet anytime we go into a culture that is not our own we are just visitors into their realm of reality. Anyone who travels is a combination of traveler and tourist all at the same time. All travelers strive to be explorers and set off on an unchartered adventure yet that is also the goal for everyone else along the way. How can a person take themselves seriously saying, "this is too touristy" when they are also there adding to the tourist numbers? I cannot even count how many times I have heard that phrase uttered from the mouths of the masses of travelers all competing to have the best experience. So without further ado I would like to introduce our contestants in the pissing contest for Most Extreme Elimination Traveler! Who is the coolest? Who will have the best time? Who will be crowned most extreme traveller? Stay tuned to find out. Introducing.... The stereotypical travelers we have met thus far!

1. Mr/Ms Know it all!
They are way smarter than you. Even if they haven't done it before, they have done it before. You don't need to tell them anything cause their friend, guidebook, or ESP abilities have already told them about everything they need to know. They love using the phrases 'always' and 'never' and get a kick out of one upping you.
*Real life example: a conversation about surfing in New Zealand
"From what I saw people usually surfed in a wetsuit in New Zealand." -Me
"Oh yeah? You think that's extreme you should try surfing in Sweden! That's way more cold." -early 20s Swedish dude.
"Have you been to New Zealand?"-Me
"No, but I know. It's way more extreme in Sweden." -Mr know it all.
Thanks for that one up buddy. "I love know it alls," said no one ever.

2. Spring Breaker 2012 aka Captain Wasted
This guy/girl came to get wasted. Why stay home and booze when you can travel the world and drink until you don't remember where you are? This traveller frequently looks battered with random injuries and rarely rises before noon. Wears clothing proudly displaying the many pub crawls, parties, and booze fests they have attended as a badge of honor. Enjoys yelling, raucous dancing, and singing poorly along with overplayed cover songs. Girls who get by on their good looks and have no interest in other people's culture fit well in this category. Captain Wasted can be heard saying things like, "Oh yeah? Well I was so wasted at 11:00am I couldn't even stand up. Epic!"
*Real life example: "Have you been to the caves? They are beautiful." -Me, speaking to a girl in Vang Vieng, Laos on my second day there.
"oh no, I've only been here for ten months. I just drink and go tubing." -girl with no shoes and scabby knees
*Another real life example: "I'm getting tired. I have been raging for five days now"-wasted boy in tank top and eyeliner
"How long have you been here?" -Me
"Five days." -wasted boy

3. Survivor Grills
This traveler thrives on having less and is proud of it. They roll with almost nothing except for perhaps a shirt, knife, and rope and look at you with disdain as they see your big bag. One traveler literally had a hobo sack tied on a stick. The more uncomfortable the experience= the most authentic. They have an unearned sense of self satisfaction and seem to think they are starring on a show on the Discovery Channel. The dirtier the surroundings the better as this provides great bragging rights. A room with mold and bedbugs? They eat bedbugs for breakfast. Having facial hair is a bonus.
*Real life example: "All I need is a room that has a bed I don't care if it's clean." - Man #1 in Chiang Rai, Thailand
"Well I don't even need a bed I'll just sleep on the floor." -Man #2

4. The Penny Pincher
Yeah, yeah we are all able to travel due to sacrifice and saving but is it really necessary to argue to the death over 20 cents? This traveler will literally punch you over $1. They refuse to pay more than $7 per night for a room and enjoy hitchhiking and riding other people's coattails. This traveler frequently has poor hygiene and can be detected by their sour body odor. Often has dreadlocks as well-this is not a stereotype as I actually like dreadlocks I'm just being honest. Mostly eats street food for sustenance as this is cheapest.
*Real life example: We once had to wait for five minutes after one (dreadlocked) Italian dude argued over the equivalent of 40 cents with the shared taxi. Get in the damn cab and move it. And take a shower while you are at it.

5. The Transformer
Didn't fit in back in your home country? Well just come on over to Asia and reinvent yourself! This traveller might have been a nerd, goth, black sheep, or rageaholic back where they came from but here in Asia they think they are royalty. Being "Western" instantly makes you a little bit cooler and no one here knows that you wore head gear for five years or that you have daddy issues. Here you can be anyone you want. This traveller can also be running away from something back home such as debt, family, or an arrest warrant.
*Real life examples: Dorky white dude in his 20s walking around with stunning Asian girlfriend. Back at home no one gave him a second glance and in Cambodia he struck gold.
*Another real life example: Crazy dude in Chiang Mai who bums smokes from strangers, sits down at the table and attempts to befriend you, and then tries to stare you down and start a fight. That was awkward and we all know why you left home.

6. The Spiritual Narcissist
They have come on this journey to "find" themselves and "get lost" in their amazing spiritualism. Not all spiritual seekers fall into this subcategory by any means but we have met our fair share of spiritual narcissists. They enjoy talking about deep topics religion, nutrition, and holistic healing. This group is accepting of all beliefs unless of course you don't agree with theirs. They are so holistic and vegan but might use a little acid every now and then (it doesn't contain any dairy). They are inclusive towards all and want all to feel welcome until you are standing on their "sacred mountain space" and then you're not welcome. I'm generally a fan of this group and sometimes might even border on membership. However, they do need to remember to not take themselves so seriously and it's okay to eat bacon sometimes.
*Real life example: A one sided conversation with a girl in Thailand. "I'm really here on a journey. I'm a writer, a musician, I make people so happy and so many people live vicariously through me. I'm so creative and a good listener. I'm also really humble." -super humble girl
Imagine me nodding my head and smirking.

7. Red Light Johnny
This contestant is mostly male and above the age of 40, although there are exceptions to this rule (aka desperate younger guys with no game). Gray hair is a plus as is ample chest hair. Johnny is here in Asia to buy a good time. These sex tourists frequently travel in packs as this works better to hunt their prey. They can often be found drinking liquid courage early in the day and treat women like they are candy to be chosen from a vending machine. Red Light Johhnies usually prefer girls that are young enough to be their granddaughters and seem to forget that the girl (or ladyboy) has feelings and not just a vagina (or not). The Beatles obviously had not traveled to Asia yet when they wrote the song, "Cant Buy Me Love". News flash- she doesn't really like you she is a prostitute and likes your wallet. Cold hard cash can buy anyone love and friendship. You gross me out Red Light Johnny and I hope you get an STD.
*Real life example: I walked up to a few guys looking at a menu on the street. "Oh hey, what are you ordering? Oh, that's not food, those are ladies!" -Me
"You like?" -Man selling ladies from a menu
"Oh no, I've got thanks." Me pointing at Brad

8. Wide Eyed Wonder
This tourist wanders around in a stupor looking all around them with confusion. Refuses to leave the hotel room unless they are clutching their guidebook in one hand. Frequently wears backpack on the front due to suspicion of being robbed and does not care how ridiculous this looks. Likes to consult maps and will stop walking mid step right in front of you in order to do so. Is often poor at bargaining for prices and is favored by shopkeepers and taxi drivers.
Real life example: "Well, my Lonely Planet said..."-too many people.
Here's an idea- why don't you put down your guidebook and actually experience something for yourself? I literally witnessed a group of three people each carrying and reading the exact same copy of lonely planet during a sunset at Angkor Wat. Couldn't you have just shared one copy between the three of you?! Idiots.

Please give all of our contestants a round of applause for participating! Please tune in next week as the participants continue the battle royale to find out who will be crowned
Most Extreme Elimination Traveler!

Thank you for tuning in today I'm your host Ashley and I'd like to thank you for being a great audience. Keep rooting for your favorite contestant and I'll see you soon.

Until next time... And don't forget to help control the pet population by having your pets spayed and neutered. Bye bye!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

I love BALI!

The following are a few mind blowing facts that I learned while in Bali. Our driver turned out to be an incredible wealth of information and I am sure he wished he had stayed quiet after I questioned him for hours about Balinese culture. I also wandered around a waterfall, jungle of spices, and the botanic garden in order to learn some fun facts. I'm not trying to write a guidebook or anything so please don't use me as a reference for any academic papers and act like I am the new Wikipedia (you probably shouldn't be using that as a source either) but rather just read for enjoyment.

1. Mace (yeah, the stuff you spray in a nasty person's face) is bright red and grows on the outside of the nutmeg seed. You peel it off the nutmeg to get to the spice. They are both located inside of a fruit looking thing that grows on a tree. Sweet and spicy all from the same time.

2. Bali is something like 92% Hindu. There are gorgeous temples located all over the island and each family has their own temple for offerings, ceremonies, and family ancestor spirits.

3. There are four classes in Bali but unlike the caste system of India each is respected and valued by the other. Women can switch castes based on marriage and your class does not determine your job or economic value. See the real Wikipedia for more details on this interesting sociological structure.

4. There are not nursing homes here in Bali. It is the expectation that families help and support each other and the youngest son is expected to live with his parents and help to take care of them, just as they took care of him when he was a child. Full circle.When we live with Brads lovely parents for a few months upon our return to Denver I am just going to tell people that it's due to my Balinese beliefs and not because I'm unemployed.

5. Balinese people make offerings of special plants, flowers, and food every day and even sometimes even multiple times a day. Their belief in their version of Hinduism is pure and don't ever insult them and insinuate that these offerings are done for tourism, as some assholes have done. Hard to believe but not everyone's life on Bali revolves around pleasing European tourists.

6. The people of Bali are extremely kind and friendly. So so sweet. They seem to radiate an inner peace that is the envy of many as that peace is what we in America struggle so hard to find. I think the gorgeous weather and beach access helps.

7. Most people in Balinese culture are cremated. Their ashes are taken and placed in the ocean so that their souls can be purified by the water. Several months later another ceremony is held and the soul is retrieved from the ocean and having been cleansed is believed to be ready for reincarnation. It was also pointed out by Dewa, our driver, that Bali is small and doesn't have a lot of room for cemeteries so this cremation serves a dual purpose. Smart man, that Dewa. Smarter than many Americans who have paid thousands of dollars for college.

8. It is believed that are three types of Karma. Direct karma, karma that takes several years, and karma in the form of reincarnation that shows up in your next life. You can be reincarnated as an animal if you do bad deeds in your previous life, or even as an insect if you do unthinkable acts. Your pain and suffering in life is related to your previous karma as is your happiness and joy.

9. Cloves grow on trees. They are pink and green and you pull them off the tips of the branches. After leaving them in the sun to dry out they turn brown and look like the cloves we see in the grocery store. Most cloves here are harvested by hand and smell fantastic.

10. There is a village called Trunyan in Bali that is only reachable by boat as it is across an old volcanic lake. They are very famous for their death rites. Rather than cremating their dead as most do in Bali this village places the body on a special tree called Taru Menyan. Somehow this amazing tree pulls the smell from the decomposing body and the body remains until the forces of nature have disintegrated the tissue leaving behind skeletal remains. The skull is then placed into their temple for honor. Women of the village are not permitted into the cemetery for fear of a natural disaster happening. I am very curious how that later belief developed as it seems like some unlucky lady of the past was obviously blamed for an earthquake because obviously women control nature. Everyone knows that just think American Gladiator names such as Ice, Blaze, Zap. If I was a gladiator I would be Tsunami.

11. There are mega fruit bats on Bali and I met one named Rasta. He has a broken wing and lives in a tree at a restaurant we have been frequenting. He screeches when he is hungry and we got to feed him a few pieces of watermelon. He had a surprisingly cute little furry bat face. These mega bats are also called flying foxes (he is quite furry) and these bats even have very decent color vision! Hardly blind as a bat. He was giving me a serious, "bitch hand over that fruit in your hand and stop taking photos" side eye.

12. Brad is irritatingly good at athletic things. He rented a surfboard for one hour, never having attempted this before, and was able to pop right up like a champ. He had a few minor falls but nothing that warranted any great laughs. Who goes surfing and is able to do it in less than an hour with no lessons?! That guy. Ridiculously good looking AND athletic.

13. Muslims and Hindus live side by side here in Bali with great respect for one another. Even during the infamous Bali bombings ten years ago the Balinese Hindus did not retaliate against the Muslims and continued to pray for them, pray for peace, and treat one another with respect understanding that a few bad apples doesn't ruin the entire bunch. Interesting concept.

14. Traditional Balinese dishes involve many of my favorite things including super fresh seafood, lemongrass, shallots, garlic, coconut, chili, fresh satay, vegetables, palm sugar, and herbs such as mint and cilantro. YUM! Mee means noodles and Nasi means rice here. I learned the recipe for traditional satay here email me if you are interested- must have mortar and pestle.

15. Villages in Bali have committees and members (mostly men) serve to create a tight knit sense of community. There is no social welfare system here and it is neighbors that help neighbors in times of need. Divorce is not common either as the committee is involved and has to approve. The community all celebrates weddings, births, and mourns deaths together. In Denver I didn't even know my next door neighbor's name.

16. The Balinese have a special calendar called the Wuku for mostly religious purposes. There are 30 weeks in a cycle, better known as an oton. There are two otons in a year and one Balinese year consists of 420 days. The calendar helps them to recognize many auspicious days such as the best day for farming, weddings, cutting one's hair, digging a well, castrating animals, and much more. Each month has specific days for different purposes. Tomorrow (the 25th) is the best day for going hunting and starting a business. The 26th of June is the best day for learning, purifying one's self, and training livestock. They obviously follow the traditional solar calendar that the rest of the world follows for business purposes but the Wuku determines all religious holidays. I live training livestock day!

17. It is believed that many things have spirits. There is a special day here to celebrate the birthday of trees and a special day for the birthday of animals. There are many annual holidays such as an upcoming holiday celebration to honor iron tools and other metal equipment such as hammers, motorbikes, and cars. June 30th you should say a little prayer for your motor vehicles and saws. Without knives you wouldn't be able to cut that watermelon for the 4th of July.

18. Pineapples grow on bushes, lychee grows on trees, and dragon fruit grows on a cactus. We still are not sure how star fruit grows.

19. You can get an hourlong amazing facial and head massage for $10. Hell yes!

There are a whole lot of other things I could share with you but I'm just so wasted on sunshine and saltwater. I also ate too much sea bass and chocolate lava cake at dinner so I have to go lay down I'm in the midst of a food coma.

I could stay in Bali for a year I absolutely love it here. It truly lived up to its reputation of breathtaking paradise. Alas, we have to leave tomorrow as we head back to Bangkok for a few final days of fun before our grand return to the States.

Bali... So hot right now.



Monday, June 18, 2012

Shiny shells and deep thoughts

The waves of Gili Trawangan softly crash on the white sand shores, their crests bringing little shells and chunks of coral to the surface. During low tide the turquoise waters retreat back into the ocean and begin to break on the rocky outcropping of coral that surrounds the island. Palm trees sway in the breeze and seem to dance to the call to prayer heard five times daily from the Muslim Mosque nearby. With no cars, no cable, and no interruptions it's almost like being on Gilligan's Island except with much better food and Bintang beer and Sangria. I seriously love it here. As I drink my glass of Lombak coffee this morning I find myself feeling a little sad already thinking about the return back to Bali tomorrow.

Each day I have found myself going for a walk and looking for a specific type of shell, called "Shiva's Eye". These flat shells have a beautiful spiral and were once the trapdoor to a type of snail's shell but at the end of the snail's life they release them into the ocean. These shells are supposed to bring great energy and symbolize wisdom and the flow of life. In the beginning it was all about the hunt for the shell but the past few days it has become about something else. Looking for these shells has become my own walking meditation. I walk, and look, and am completely immersed in one moment in time and no other. Sometimes i will sing while I walk but I am just aware of looking and noticing things around me with no other thoughts. This time of being completely in the present is such a gift as I find that to be so rare in my crazy mind that is constantly swirling with ideas. During this time I am filled with a contented quiet.

Brad and I are different types of "thinkers". I spend a large majority of my time thinking about the future. At times this can be positive as it helps me to plan ahead proactively but the majority of the time it doesn't really provide great benefit. I think about what I want to do later, where I am going next, what I am going to eat for dinner, what future problem might arise, what I will do when the future problem arises, etc. I have been like this for the majority of my life- always thinking about the next step and what's to come. Whether I am excited about something to come or dreading something in the future it's always about the next thing. Brad on the other hand is a past thinker. He lets the future come as it may but spends a lot of his time reflecting upon the positive choices and regrets of his past. He spends his time "sifting through shattered memories to piece together the past" (his words). Not all of his reflection is negative by any means as it helps to create more positive choices in the present and the future but this self reflection can be painful and we all know you cannot change what has already happened. So here we are, the yin and the yang, future and past thinkers. Where does that leave the present?

During those wonderful walks, known as my shell meditations, I am aware of just that moment. I came to this self realization during one such walk and I suddenly knew that living in the moment is one of the integral keys to inner peace. Thinking too much about the past can bring a sense of regret or longing and focusing too much on the future promotes anticipation and often times anxiety or fear. We cannot know what is going to happen and we cannot change the past but we can live completely by embracing the current moment.

As the trip comes to a close I have chosen to not focus on the sadness of the impending end or the anxiety of the unknown future but rather enjoy each moment that comes my way. In the past few days we have seen bioluminescent plankton, snorkeled with sea turtles and shipwrecks, touched starfish in tide pools, and felt the grains of sand between our toes during those long walks on the beach.

Where do you spend your time? Are you someone who is lost in the swallows of the past, races ahead in your mind to the future, or envelops yourself in the simplicity of the moment? It's not an easy task to lead our minds where we want it to go but ultimately it is our own choice. It's easy to find beauty in your day if you are simply living in the moment without expectation or comparison- oh that wicked concept of comparison. We have to look towards the past to remember the roots of who we have become and we have to anticipate the future to know who we want to be but don't ever forget the present moment of who you are, right this second. Instead of spending my day today thinking of what is going to come tomorrow I am going to enjoy each minute of being in the present and feel blessed to be surrounded by those crystal blue waters on Gili T island.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Bali Bliss and a little Gili T!

Today I received two great messages from friends. The first was a heartfelt message thanking me for writing these blogs and reading that message from her made my heart swell. The second message I received was one reminding me to update my blog as it has been too long. Touché. I have been going through a selfish phase as I embark on these last few weeks in Bali. I also am not sure how to even describe it here without sounding like a big bragging asshole,"my life is so great I'm in BALI" type but here goes. Ask and ye shall receive.

Bali is pretty much as you would expect- magnificent. We were promptly picked up at the airport and greeted with cool fresh washcloths and bottled water. Please note I will also be expecting this treatment from my friends when picking me up from anywhere in the future. Im not getting in the car without a cool washcloth and a smile. We arrived at our super cute B&B and headed straight for the beach without delay.

You can imagine my great shock when I soon witnessed a girl holding a baby sea turtle by the shore. It was just a baby and flapped its tiny turtles toes as she gently placed it into the waters of freedom. As much as I told myself I was not going to be a sucker and spend a bunch of money to hold a sea turtle I knew I was just lying to myself. I didn't give a damn what it cost this was true love and I needed to feel that little turtle heartbeat in my hand. But how could i justify the cost? A wonderful idea sprang into my head. Turtles are my mom's "spirit animal" (my words, not hers) and I would buy this turtle and set it free in her honor of her upcoming birthday! So for the bargain price of $28 I am now the proud mama of my adopted sea turtle daughter, named Lisa Hazelgrove Garbin Turtle. This adoption was a bit of a joke as they didn't even do a background check or drug test. They just let me pick my 10 week old turtle child, we took some photos together, I whispered a few words of advice (don't trust the extremely good looking turtles they will break your heart, don't drink too much saltwater and make a fool of yourself) and then I set her free in the warm waters of Bali. She swam off to freedom as I waved goodbye. Kids... They just grow up so fast and before you know it they are gone. At least I will always have the souvenir photo to remember her by. The money actually goes towards an important conservation project so I supported a positive cause and selfishly fulfilled a dream of holding a sea turtle. With my support she will live a long happy life and I just know she's got potential to really make a difference in the lives of other marine creatures.

The next day we went to an amazing Balinese market and I participated in some retail therapy to forget about the loss of Lisa H.G. Turtle. Ooh the shopping in Bali is splendid. After a few hours we went back to the beach and selected our fresh snapper and tiger prawns and ate a phenomenal dinner with our toes in the sand. Food tastes better with your shoes off and the sun setting in the distance.

The next morning I tried one of Indonesia's claims to fame- coffee Lewak. Literally the most expensive coffee in the world. The fresh coffee cherry is eaten off the plant by a civet, which is a marsupial/cat like creature of sorts. It then poops out the actual coffee bean which is collected, further shelled, cleaned, and roasted. Due to the digestion process it is believed to somewhat ferment the bean and give it all sorts of beneficial health properties. I was horrified at first but then decided to live by Brad's credo of "yes to life" so I had a cup of that special joe and it really wasn't so bad. A little bitter but I think that was the point. I do enjoy expensive things so it was a worthwhile experience but I believe I would still prefer a good old fashioned caramel latte. Civet poo coffee- check.

We also embarked upon a white water rafting journey near the town of Ubud. I didn't really believe there were class 4 rapids here in Bali and I turned out to be extremely wrong. It was just as intense as being in Colorado but different, as the river was much more narrow and the rapids continuous. The vegetation on the cliffs all around us was tropical and overgrown and a ridiculous number of gorgeous waterfalls spouted out from overhead. It somehow seemed prehistoric and I couldn't shake the sensation that a stegosaurus was going to come tromping out of the jungle at any point. In between moments of complete panic and exhilaration i would find myself singing the theme song from Jurassic Park. Thankfully rafting was a blast and everyone stayed in the raft despite several close calls. I would have to say the scariest moment of the day was when we stopped at a waterfall for a few photos and I looked down at my leg to see a leech trying to hitch a ride and catch a quick meal. I got it off quickly before it attached but I was so preoccupied with leech thoughts I forgot to be scared of the rapids for a good ten minutes. After our rafting extravaganza came to a close we headed out for hot stone massages. It had been a tough day and my arm hurt from all that paddling. For the bargain price of $9.50 Brad and I each got an 80 minute hot stone massage from little Balinese girls with hands of steel. Just a word of warning- if you are modest at all I would not recommend getting a massage in Asia as my butt was being massaged with a hot stone at one point. Talk about vulnerable.

We left Bali and headed off via fast boat to a far more deserted island called Gili Trawangan. Bali is actually quite large with 4 million people who reside there on a consistent basis. Traffic is ferocious and it takes hours to drive to various points on the island. When we arrived on Gili T we found that there are no cars or motorcycles, only horse drawn carriages and bicycles. You can walk the entire island in 2 hours. The water is turquoise, it's surrounded by coral reefs, the sand is white, and I am in absolute paradise. I must have it known though that I am refusing to take the horse carriages as I do not think they are humane and the horses look thirsty. Many of you know my stance on horse carriages and I have been known to shout,"Free the Horses!" and verbally abuse those who ride them in cities. Assholes. You are asking for my verbal lashing if you are riding down 16th street in one of those carriages you should be taking a taxi like normal people. At least this is not Denver or Charleston though and there are not cars and trucks and pollution whizzing past the horses making the situation worse. I would still like to free the horses but on an island this small they really have no where to go. I guess no place is perfect although this is as close as it can be. I have now also seen firsthand what a lack of freshwater there is on tropical islands. I swim in saltwater in the ocean and then have to shower in saltwater. Super salty. Freshwater is so expensive that most hotels pipe saltwater in the rooms. Oh the things we take for granted at home-I realized the other day it has been six months since I have brushed my teeth using water from a faucet. Don't get me wrong though I love being here on a tropical island and saltwater showers are a minor inconvenience.

Gili T is a tropical paradise of sun, sand, shells, seafood, and wifi access. Tomorrow I have a big day including eating breakfast, renting a bicycle, and swimming/reading on the beach. I think I will also do some snorkeling on the amazing coral reefs. I could not be more at peace out in the middle of this tiny island in Indonesia.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Malaysia truly Asia

I had no idea what to expect when we first arrived in Malaysia. I don't know anyone who has ever been here and we actually ended up coming due to cheap flights and Kuala Lumpur being a major transportation hub for Air Asia. I knew that Mugatu from the movie Zoolander had a big problem with the Prime Minister but that was about the extent of my knowledge of Malaysia. When on an organically evolving six month journey you sometimes just end up wherever the wind blows you. In this case the wind had excellent taste. I am officially a big fan of Malaysia.

Two weeks is not enough time in this beautiful country. We only got to Kuala Lumpur, Penang, and Pangkor which is only a fraction of what Malaysia has to offer. Rainforests and palm trees splash across the lush and hilly landscape. It is hot and humid here which allows plants and forests to thrive. Penang has Georgetown, a historic oasis with crumbling brick painted buildings that make you feel like you walked back in time. Pangkor is a charming unpretentious island with a laid back beach vibe and blue green waves that crash onto secluded beaches. Kuala Lumpur is a unique blend of cultures with old and new growth intermixed among mosques and temples. We stayed at the most mediocre hostel in Kuala Lumpur, the highest ranked B&B of Malaysia in Georgetown (Campbell House), and the loveliest guest house in Pangkor where we felt like part of the host's family (Nipah Guest House). I wanted to take their little daughter, Aila, with us as she was ridiculously sweet.

I wish I had more time to visit Melaka, the Cameroon Highlands, Palau Tioman, and Langkawi to name a few. It is pretty easy to get from place to place and I must give Malaysia props as the very reasonable busses here are pretty swanky. One bus even had reclining seats with your own leg rests! The ability of the people here to speak English is also music to my ears. Although Malay is the recognized main language this has been one of the easiest counties to communicate in using English. Take note, China.

We ate more food than two people should consume and I put back on the pounds I lost in China. Street food is king here in Malaysia with culturally rich dishes that are different than anywhere else in Asia. Mee Goreng, Wan Tan Mee, banana pancakes grilled in banana leaves, laksa fish soup- heavenly with a touch of spice. The seafood in Malaysia is spectacular and you can get phenomenal fresh fish, squid, and tiger prawns for less than $10. I'm talking gourmet dishes here. Indian food? Got it. Middle eastern? Check. Chinese? Sure thing. There is something for every taste and palate that can be found and we have been stuffing ourselves. I will miss you food carts.

Over the past two weeks we have seen some amazing sights too. The cave creatures at Batu Caves terrified me. The wild monkeys in Pangkor showed me who's boss- even though they come up to my knee I'm not messing with them. The waves dominated me one day and i lost yet another pair of sunglasses. We have encountered monitor lizards and giant millipedes. The rainforest in Malaysia is extremely important and houses some spectacular creatures and plant species we just don't see in America. One of my favorite Malaysian memories is feeding the hornbill birds each night at sunset. They will even eat bananas straight out of your hand with their crazy big beaks. They are such majestic and beautiful creatures soaring through the air during twilight.

Where else in the world can you fight with a monkey, buy a benjo (egg sandwich with sweet cheese, chili, and vegetables) for $1 on the street, and swim at the beach next to a woman dressed in a full burka? Even though I am dressed differently than most people here and obviously not Muslim we have experienced nothing but kindness and hospitality. Malaysia has once again shown the diversity of Asia with it's own distinct flavor. Would I come back here? In a heartbeat. The theme song of a popular commercial here goes, "Malaysia truly Asia, it's the place with it all!" Well, other than snow, you do appear to have "it all". Thank you for an eye opening two weeks of fun.

Tomorrow we head off to Bali to begin our final leg of this Asian invasion. I feel like we have earned some time laying on some of the world's most beautiful beaches- let the party begin.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Brad turns 32!

Today marks the historic anniversary of a monumental event that happened 32 years ago (back when the dinosaurs still roamed the Earth). One unicorn was born onto Earth and this forever changed the face of the future. Today we celebrate this glorious occasion we call B-day, or the birth of Brad. Today's celebration began at a luxury B&B (room photo below) with a scrumptious breakfast of Eggs Florentine and has continued with a fantastic 4 hour bus ride to Pulau Pangkor. Some of our fellow bus riders under the age of three were being quite vocal (celebrating B-day really gets the kids riled up) and after the seemingly never ending celebration we were finally able to get to the ferry port and head onward. What a party! They even overpacked the boat due to the massive turnout of guests. This was quite a way to ring in a new year for Brad. Here's to getting another year wiser!

I will also use this blog to announce our return back to the old US of A. We will be in Malaysia for another week after which we head to Bali, Indonesia for two weeks of swimming and sunshine. We quickly head to Bangkok for a few days and then fly to Chicago for the grand return just in time to celebrate the 4th of July. We plan to stay in Iowa for a few weeks and then head back to Denver somewhere around the 18th or 19th of July. America.... F-yeah!

I would like to thank four amazing individuals who helped to make this trip a reality. Without their love and support we never could have done it. Jeff and Lisa Garbin... Doug and Nancy Paterson... We salute you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Between the generous monetary donations, helping us move, holding on to our belongings, watching Sir Lucius, solving randomly occurring problems, and everything else you made it possible for us to follow a dream and see the world. Your support and love has helped us to carry on no matter the obstacles we faced. Love you all very, very much. We hope we have done you proud.

As the end is in sight I cannot help but reflect on all the changes that have taken place. It's amazing to think that so many days have passed so quickly and although I'm very excited to return to my family, friends, and comforts I also have a slight sense of mild anxiety about rejoining the "real" world again. We have grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle over the past five months and I know I'm in for some reverse culture shock. I present to you a list of upcoming changes so you can also ponder my reality.

What will it be like...
1. To have a cell phone and just be able make a phone call? Anytime, anywhere? Midnight phone calls commence!
2. To sleep in the same place each night and not carry my things on my back? This should greatly decrease my intense fears of bed bugs, not to mention help my lower lumbar.
3. To have to pay American prices on things you can buy for a fraction of the price in other places? Pad Thai should cost $1 everywhere. Period.
4. To have clothing options. I currently start my day saying, "which of my four shirts do I hate the least today?" Don't you judge me when you see my pictures and I'm always wearing the same thing I did do laundry occasionally.
5. To know what time it is. I have almost lost the whole concept of time other than wondering when this bus and ferry ride will be over.
6. To have access to a computer. iPod touch you have been great but your screen is just too damn tiny for adequate Internet surfing.
7. To get into a car and just go somewhere. Oh glorious freedom. No arguing with cabs, no getting lost on public transportation, no trying to read confusing diagrams for the subway. Just me and the open road!
8. To hear people bitching about things that seem completely ludicrous given the things we have seen. Americans are a pretty lucky bunch overall let me tell you.
9. To be able to hang out with friends- oh how we have missed you! You better have lots of good stories upon our return.
10. To get a job. Someone please remind me- what's a resume, again?
11. To be able to understand people and have them understand me. I can finally ask questions about food on the menu without my order getting totally mucked up. Yes, we have somehow ordered two of the same thing.
12. To be able to eavesdrop again. One of my favorite hobbies that also fills me with anger now and then. If you are talking loudly at a coffee shop you are practically begging me to listen.
13. To not walk into a bathroom only to find the dreaded "squattie potty"? I hate it when there is no toilet and only a hole in the ground. I'm sorry, girls cannot "aim". Ladies you know what I'm talking about. Penises have the advantage for squatties, as there is rarely any toilet paper either.
14. To have to do adult things like find a place to live, set up Exel, find Internet, pay bills, etc. Ugh the horror! At least we will be crashing with the Patersons for awhile since we are low on funds. We are now accepting donations in the way of money and food. Unfortunately I doubt those donations qualify for a tax write off but don't let that deter you. Oh yeah, paying taxes...ugh.

Overall we are looking forward to all the great things America has to offer and we can't wait to party it up when we get home. In the meantime please join me in celebrating Brad today whether that be through a memory, cake, or just pouring out a little of your drink for your homie. If you don't want to waste any alcohol you could also have an extra beer. He is one of the best people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and I cherish each day we spend together on this trip! Our accommodation for tonight is also featured in today's photos- the A frame cottage is another one of Brad's picks. Happy birthday Brad and here's to many more!

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Treat yo'self.

We just stayed in a guesthouse with a view of the beach. An unswimmable beach because of an eclectic mishmash of rubbish items but breathtaking from afar none the less. We had our pick of the individually themed rooms and after careful deliberation we went with "morning dew" because the name was so masculine. Ash chose bathroom soap from a frickin' menu. The next day we spent the entire daylight reading, surfing the net, napping, and listening to Asian covers of American classics on the CD player. For dinner we ate inside an actual ship that had food that reminded me of Red Lobster, yes!

The next morning we went to the clean beach a few km up the road and played in the super mean waves, I still have sand in my ears, and watched the water sports go on from a shady spot. At one point the unlicensed Malay boat drivers displayed their novice when the rope pulling two parasailers got twisted around a banana boat with 6 young adults on it and flipped it over sending the parasailers slamming into the ocean. At least no one drown and no one was decapitated.

We headed to our next hotel after the show and checked in. If you have not seen the show Parks and Rec then I should explain that two characters on the show have a time each year that they call 'treat yourself' where they throw caution to the wind and spend money on extravagant things. We have begun such a holiday at this point on our trip it seems. Pineapple welcome drinks; treat yo'self. Our ceiling fan has a remote: treat yo'self. There is a TV and a DVD player; treat yo'self. Espresso machine; treat yo'self. Stained glass windows and organic free trade products in the bathroom; treat yo'self! And just outside our window is one of the greatest cities in the world for cuisine. One of CNN's
top ten if you believe what they say. Street food is the greatest!

Sometimes it's hard for me to spend a bunch of dough on myself. I think about what if something happens and I need that money? Most times I think I would rather go without something I don't really need so Ash can use the money for her stuff. Ash said 'not this time Brad' and forced me to do something nice for myself for my 32nd birthday. Feeling old? Treat yo'self. Another grey hair? Treat yo'self!

Today I might jump around and run from place to place just because I can.