The not so delicate art of selling to tourists...Asian style

Welcome to the Merchant School Of Hard Knocks. Thank you all for coming. Here are the guidelines you must follow if you hope to make a sale. Unfortunately you will have to go through all 9 steps many times before you can capture just one poor sap, but if you do not follow these rules you will fail.

Step 1: Say "hello" very loud followed by "okay" to test the rudeness level of cultural cordiality norms. If they acknowledge or even glance, proceed to call the mark sir or madam to make them feel important and establish the illusion that you are a harmless merchant.

Step 2: Use body to block pathway and change potential buyers walking trajectory. Make them walk around your outstretched goods if they be so bold.

Step 3: Try using a commanding voice and say "you buy!" followed by the price for one item that you would hope to earn for an entire days work. It has worked one time in folkloric tales of merchants old but it is worth a try.

Step 4: After three "no's" not two, it is important to not waste your tedious efforts up to now and quickly develop a rapport with the prospective buyer by displaying your linguistic knowledge. Counting to ten is a great start. Also state populations of major cities and if they are from America then be sure to say Obama with a thumbs up and Bush with thumbs down.

Step 5: Pull on heart strings after person had stopped to compliment you on your English skills despite your monetary handicap. Suddenly you are very tired from lack of calories and hydration. Explain how your work day began at 4:00am and your mother and grandfather are sick, you have no money for school and you lost your clothes and sister when your caulked wagon overturned trying to ford the Oregon trail river.

Step 6: Accompany step 5 with downtrodden eyes and frown. Slump shoulders too.

Step 7: Give a nearly fair price after audacious buyer has said two more "no's" and walked away over 20 ft.

Step 8: Yell final price.

Step 9: If all else has failed, insult in own language and approach next target.

Hello sir/mam thanks for listening to the blog. While we are at it, does anyone need a Cambodian postcard I have 20. Or maybe a broken kite. Does anyone need a stuffed key chain!? Only $8- You buy! Obama!

-Brad