As humans I think we have an innate want to compare and contrast things. We don't always realize we are even doing it but it's amazing how many times a day it's done without a second thought. "It's good, but not as good as..."or perhaps "wow, I love her hair I wish mine looked like that", "today was a better day than yesterday", "I wish I had that" or even simply "I've seen better". It wasn't until I came on this trip and decided to stop trying to compare that I realized what an over comparer I truly am. I'm addicted to comparisons. I even find myself comparing my frequency of comparisons against Brads frequency of comparisons-good God I have a problem.
On this trip I find myself comparing and contrasting at an alarming rate. I compare hostels we stay at, I compare street food vendors, and I compare the friendliness of the people I come across. I contrast cultural differences against that of America and mannerisms I deem to be strange. I compare the fashion I see on a daily basis to my own. I contrast food choices in the East vs West. Some things I think are acceptable to compare such as prices to make sure you get the best deal possible or comparing flights or trains or travel choices. Using websites and reviews can help find accommodation that is clean and tourist destinations that are worth seeing. That being said, however, I think that the majority of daily comparison actually leads us down a path of unhappiness. Either it makes us question the value of what we have or a choice that has been made or we are left feeling like "its" (or even ourselves) just not good enough. On the flip side some comparing leaves us feeling superior to others and in the end lessens the experience by which it was preceded. We are all just people trying to find our own personal path to happiness and it's important that our short term on this earth is not wasted with less thans and better thans.
I think one of the dangers of a trip like mine is the constant want to compare. A frequent question I hear is "what country has been your favorite so far?" My natural inclination as a comparison addict is to start rattling off the countries we have visited in numerical order based on rating. Most people pick just one country when they go on a trip or vacation and are never presented with the problem of comparing radically different places as if they can be lumped into the same category. I have been resisting that natural urge and forcing myself to look at each place we have been as many separate experiences that deserve to stand on their own. True we have stayed primarily in Asia and to many western people that seems like the countries would be similar. I have learned that is the opposite of correct. That would be like saying America and Mexico are the same because they are both located in North America. It's next to impossible to compare India to Thailand to China and so on. Granted some of the countries we have visited have certain similarities but they all have differences too- after all, Asia is a continent and not one big country.
I run into problems when I start comparing the places we have travelled and begin to walk the path to unhappiness. At first I didn't really like China very much. I can admit it. Perhaps it was due to a wicked cold I was fighting, the rainy weather in Beijing, or the intense spitting and shouting I was not accustomed to. I found myself saying to Brad, "They don't yell in Thailand. Why are people eating old eggs? This is not Thailand." No shit Ashley, you are not in Thailand anymore! As I started to give China a chance to be what it is rather than placing my own expectations and comparisons upon it I found that I quite like a lot of things about this place. That's not to say there are not things I experience in China that fill me with outrage but I have to remember I chose to come. When I decide to look at difficulties as an adventure it makes life a lot more fun. Sure, I have a much harder time communicating and I rarely know exactly what I have ordered to eat but that just means its an experience. After spending a few weeks here in China I do not mind the shouting, I have spit on the streets a few times, and I have gotten fantastically good at charades. I have vowed to let China stand on its own and not compare it to any other place we have been. Even still I find myself comparing places within China to one another (hmmm... I think I prefer Shanghai to Beijing) but even that is tricky because I go right back to the less than/better than scenario that I am trying to escape. Beijing has rich history and the Great Wall, Tianjin has Mt PanShan, Shanghai has the Bund and incredible skyscrapers, Suzhou has lovely gardens and canals, and there are still so many places left to see that each hold something special. Rather than comparing I am going to do my best to just be grateful for all the things I am getting to do and just let it stop at that, even when I have to wait an hour at the railway station or airport for a cab to my hostel. P.S. lines do not really exist in China.
We are on this trip to experience things that are different from America and though at times i might miss "my culture" its important for me to remember why I love travel. Everyday there is something new. Yesterday a Chinese man sitting at our table helped himself (without asking) to our bag of lychee fruit. They make your hands very sticky so I offered him some hand sanitizer. He accepted and then was perplexed, smelling it and slapping it on his elbows and knees. I was very amused but Brad and I quickly recovered and demonstrated how to rub hands together to use it properly. He finally figured it out, but still seemed pretty confused and continued to smell his elbows. Only in China!
Will I ever be able to stop comparing completely? Please, be real here. Im only human after all. I think a healthy amount of comparing is still an acceptable choice as sometimes this can cause us to feel more grateful or even inspired. It's when it becomes a compulsion that it's detrimental to our sense of self. I dare you, brave soul reading this blog, to watch how many times a day you find yourself comparing and contrasting. Perhaps just being aware of this habit will help us to lesson the frequency and then we can all feel a little more satisfied with the reality of what is. It's a long path to happiness.
As a side note, even after writing this blog I found myself wishing I had gotten different cookies at the bakery rather than the ones I chose. Now I'm stuck on a train with a sub par snack. But I am determined to turn over a new leaf and I will just be grateful that at least I have cookies and I'm not stuck with a fermented egg.
Off to Hangzhou!
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