Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Tube it or Lose it...

As we rolled into Vang Vieng I was strangely reminded of an old west film. The streets were dusty and there was only one main road, the buildings and bars all had the same yellow Beer Lao signs and the place seemed a bit deserted. Turns out most people were just off tubing the river, which is the town's main attraction. I hoped I was just overwhelmed from the seven hour journey through the mountains and a lack of air conditioning. Then, as we pulled into town we started seeing those signs for happy pizza and I knew I was in for a wild ride.

The mountains surrounding Vang Vieng are incredible- imposing limestone after limestone giants tower overhead, covered in that mossy green jungle. The river snakes through and is flanked by wide open rice paddies and wandering cattle. Then, in the midst of this beauty, is this makeshift town filled with guest houses, bars, restaurants, and the homes of the Laos people that cater to the tourism. It's a crazy small town that takes half and hour to walk around yet there are at least nine or ten bars playing looped reruns of Friends and Family Guy. If you want to find the never ending party, "Super High Bronies" (we assume they mean brownies), and fucked up white people than this is your place. If you also like tubing, kayaking, caves, and nature then this is also your place. Vang Vieng has a little something for everyone.

The first day we decided to try our hand at some cave exploring.  For the bargain price of $11 we booked a half day cave adventure.  The giant tuk-tuk drove us out of town to the first cave, Elephant Cave, which was really just a massive hole in the side of the limestone cliff that was filled with some buddhas and a rock shaped like an elephant.  Not seriously impressed thus far but at least I got to see another Lao village along the way.  Then we ventured out into the jungle and began to tromp along until there was a little hole in the limestone cliff ahead.  We all donned headlamps and climbed into the first cave down the rickety bamboo steps.  The view was incredible- stalagmites and stalactites filled the cavern and there were quartz formations running along the walls.  There were very slippery rocks and you had to watch your footing carefully.  The guide told us (after a lot of questions and pantomiming from me) that during the Vietnam war many people from Lao hid out in these caves to avoid bombing.  The sad truth is that Laos was also a casualty in many ways (way to go, War and thanks for dropping bombs America) and the Hmong people have dealt with a gamut of problems as a result of helping the United States.  There are still thousands of active bombs that have not been exploded yet laying amongst the land in Laos.  I could go on and on here, but I will leave you to read your history books and do some exploring on your own.  Anyways, this cave is so massive that you could trek through it for over five days and then come out somewhere else.  Insane!  We wanted to keep going but we had some elderly folk in our group and the guide didn't look pumped at the prospect of the rocks and crevices up ahead.  Onward we tromped to the third cave, Loup cave, which was filled with more impressive stalagmites and stalactites.  There were all sorts of little caverns and I can see why people get so into spelunking- it's a completely different world.  The last cave was my personal favorite for a variety of reasons.  It's called water cave and you had to go in using a rubber inner tube! You held on to a rope, slid yourself inside, and tubed throughout the cave.  At points you would have to stand up in the water and at other points it was so deep you couldn't even stand up.  So creepy- no idea what is underneath of you and in front of you (as Brad and I were leading the group at many points, our guide was hanging behind with the older folks).  It was a massively fun adventure and one I will never forget!  During the rainy season the entire cave fills up and you cannot even go inside.  Later in the day Brad and I tramped off on our own to find another cave and I quickly learned why guides are good.  While walking on the path a frog jumped out of the grass, followed by a red neck keel back snake coming straight towards me.  It was not even a foot away.  I jumped like a frightened gazelle, took off running, and Brad was right behind me.  A group of Lao teens appeared out of nowhere and started to hit the snake with a plastic pepsi bottle.  Turns out the snake can be poisonous if it bites you the correct way.  I immediately insisted we turn around and the teens followed us for a few minutes and thought my freak out was pretty hilarious.  They would occasionally yell "snake!" and then crack up.  Real hilarious boys.

The second day we took our turn at tubing.  When we first showed up I was completely freaked out- it looked like my spring break trip to Mexico circa 2002.  Hot messes filled the crowd- along this gorgeous river was bar after bar after bar enticing those to come with free bracelets and whisky shots.  These bracelets were hilarious- you see these kids walking around with armfuls of them as a badge of honour.  Damn, they like to drink and they want you to know it!  At each bar you get your bracelet and play whatever game they have.  There were giant slides, the BLOB (didn't go well for me I just catapulted face first), trapeze swings into the water (soooo fun), zip lines, and more.  Brad was a big hit with the Lao people on the Blob. Now this all sounds good and fun but imagine when you get a bunch of 18-40 somethings and add a bunch of booze in a place with very few rules.  Yes, what you are imagining is probably true.  I would like to say that I am a level headed reasonable person but even I got swept away by the lure of the Lao Lao whisky and my evening ended with several bruises and some digestive pyrotechnics.  Brad, however, handled himself perfectly and was the most sane person there.  We stayed away from the body painting, the beer pong (where has that ball BEEN people?!), and the idiocy of the many people consuming their happy shakes and throwing themselves into the river.  The bars pull you in with a bottle attached to a rope and I found myself wondering how many people were hit in the head daily.  According to an Australian who worked at the bar almost 20 people died last year doing stupid things and making wasted choices at the river.  Just head into town around sunset and you will see why... people get so out of their minds.  I asked Brad at one point, "Imagine what we would do if a bunch of Asians showed up in Denver, got fucked out of their minds, and then wandered around our city?" Never.  Yet for the people of Vang Vieng this is a daily occurrence.  The highlight of my tubing experience had to be when Brad and I were peacefully floating and we were suddenly overtaken by a small gang of Lao kids around 6-9 years old.  They started hanging on our tubes, trying to climb in my lap, one of them was completely naked, and it was utterly hilarious.  We let them float with us for awhile before they lost interest and went to bother the next tubers.  All in all a sight to see.  Later that night we met some people in a bar and while talking about Vang Vieng the guy declared to me, "I'm getting tired."  I must have looked confused, because he then added, "I've been tubing for five days.  I'm starting to get a little tired.  Maybe I will check out those caves."  Five days and you are just starting to get tired?!  Good grief.

We had an easygoing third day that was topped off by a delightful hot air balloon ride! I have always wanted to go on a hot air balloon and the best fiancĂ© ever lovingly suggested we splurge and book the balloon.  At sunset we floated up in our own private balloon to view Vang Vieng from above.  It was like nothing I have ever experienced floating so high above the world and feeling a dual sense of tranquility and excitement.  Laos is so gorgeous and as the blood red sun set behind the mountains I watched the last of the tubers from the day float down the river towards town.  Our balloon operator has apparently won several competitions and he expertly floated above the treetops for forty minutes.  I will treasure that experience for the rest of my life.

All in all I was an enormous fan of Vang Vieng.  Sure, I drank a little too much, but I have decided to keep just one bracelet on to remind myself to know my limits in the future.  Yes, we did succumb to several episodes of Friends while playing cards at the bar but it was actually somewhat comforting and funny to be in such a foreign place watching Ross and Rachel fight.  However, we also made sure to experience some of the beauty and natural splendour that Vang Vieng has to offer.  Life is all about finding that perfect balance between pleasure and pain (aka Lao whisky).  

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