Brad turns 32!

Today marks the historic anniversary of a monumental event that happened 32 years ago (back when the dinosaurs still roamed the Earth). One unicorn was born onto Earth and this forever changed the face of the future. Today we celebrate this glorious occasion we call B-day, or the birth of Brad. Today's celebration began at a luxury B&B (room photo below) with a scrumptious breakfast of Eggs Florentine and has continued with a fantastic 4 hour bus ride to Pulau Pangkor. Some of our fellow bus riders under the age of three were being quite vocal (celebrating B-day really gets the kids riled up) and after the seemingly never ending celebration we were finally able to get to the ferry port and head onward. What a party! They even overpacked the boat due to the massive turnout of guests. This was quite a way to ring in a new year for Brad. Here's to getting another year wiser!

I will also use this blog to announce our return back to the old US of A. We will be in Malaysia for another week after which we head to Bali, Indonesia for two weeks of swimming and sunshine. We quickly head to Bangkok for a few days and then fly to Chicago for the grand return just in time to celebrate the 4th of July. We plan to stay in Iowa for a few weeks and then head back to Denver somewhere around the 18th or 19th of July. America.... F-yeah!

I would like to thank four amazing individuals who helped to make this trip a reality. Without their love and support we never could have done it. Jeff and Lisa Garbin... Doug and Nancy Paterson... We salute you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Between the generous monetary donations, helping us move, holding on to our belongings, watching Sir Lucius, solving randomly occurring problems, and everything else you made it possible for us to follow a dream and see the world. Your support and love has helped us to carry on no matter the obstacles we faced. Love you all very, very much. We hope we have done you proud.

As the end is in sight I cannot help but reflect on all the changes that have taken place. It's amazing to think that so many days have passed so quickly and although I'm very excited to return to my family, friends, and comforts I also have a slight sense of mild anxiety about rejoining the "real" world again. We have grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle over the past five months and I know I'm in for some reverse culture shock. I present to you a list of upcoming changes so you can also ponder my reality.

What will it be like...
1. To have a cell phone and just be able make a phone call? Anytime, anywhere? Midnight phone calls commence!
2. To sleep in the same place each night and not carry my things on my back? This should greatly decrease my intense fears of bed bugs, not to mention help my lower lumbar.
3. To have to pay American prices on things you can buy for a fraction of the price in other places? Pad Thai should cost $1 everywhere. Period.
4. To have clothing options. I currently start my day saying, "which of my four shirts do I hate the least today?" Don't you judge me when you see my pictures and I'm always wearing the same thing I did do laundry occasionally.
5. To know what time it is. I have almost lost the whole concept of time other than wondering when this bus and ferry ride will be over.
6. To have access to a computer. iPod touch you have been great but your screen is just too damn tiny for adequate Internet surfing.
7. To get into a car and just go somewhere. Oh glorious freedom. No arguing with cabs, no getting lost on public transportation, no trying to read confusing diagrams for the subway. Just me and the open road!
8. To hear people bitching about things that seem completely ludicrous given the things we have seen. Americans are a pretty lucky bunch overall let me tell you.
9. To be able to hang out with friends- oh how we have missed you! You better have lots of good stories upon our return.
10. To get a job. Someone please remind me- what's a resume, again?
11. To be able to understand people and have them understand me. I can finally ask questions about food on the menu without my order getting totally mucked up. Yes, we have somehow ordered two of the same thing.
12. To be able to eavesdrop again. One of my favorite hobbies that also fills me with anger now and then. If you are talking loudly at a coffee shop you are practically begging me to listen.
13. To not walk into a bathroom only to find the dreaded "squattie potty"? I hate it when there is no toilet and only a hole in the ground. I'm sorry, girls cannot "aim". Ladies you know what I'm talking about. Penises have the advantage for squatties, as there is rarely any toilet paper either.
14. To have to do adult things like find a place to live, set up Exel, find Internet, pay bills, etc. Ugh the horror! At least we will be crashing with the Patersons for awhile since we are low on funds. We are now accepting donations in the way of money and food. Unfortunately I doubt those donations qualify for a tax write off but don't let that deter you. Oh yeah, paying taxes...ugh.

Overall we are looking forward to all the great things America has to offer and we can't wait to party it up when we get home. In the meantime please join me in celebrating Brad today whether that be through a memory, cake, or just pouring out a little of your drink for your homie. If you don't want to waste any alcohol you could also have an extra beer. He is one of the best people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and I cherish each day we spend together on this trip! Our accommodation for tonight is also featured in today's photos- the A frame cottage is another one of Brad's picks. Happy birthday Brad and here's to many more!

Treat yo'self.

We just stayed in a guesthouse with a view of the beach. An unswimmable beach because of an eclectic mishmash of rubbish items but breathtaking from afar none the less. We had our pick of the individually themed rooms and after careful deliberation we went with "morning dew" because the name was so masculine. Ash chose bathroom soap from a frickin' menu. The next day we spent the entire daylight reading, surfing the net, napping, and listening to Asian covers of American classics on the CD player. For dinner we ate inside an actual ship that had food that reminded me of Red Lobster, yes!

The next morning we went to the clean beach a few km up the road and played in the super mean waves, I still have sand in my ears, and watched the water sports go on from a shady spot. At one point the unlicensed Malay boat drivers displayed their novice when the rope pulling two parasailers got twisted around a banana boat with 6 young adults on it and flipped it over sending the parasailers slamming into the ocean. At least no one drown and no one was decapitated.

We headed to our next hotel after the show and checked in. If you have not seen the show Parks and Rec then I should explain that two characters on the show have a time each year that they call 'treat yourself' where they throw caution to the wind and spend money on extravagant things. We have begun such a holiday at this point on our trip it seems. Pineapple welcome drinks; treat yo'self. Our ceiling fan has a remote: treat yo'self. There is a TV and a DVD player; treat yo'self. Espresso machine; treat yo'self. Stained glass windows and organic free trade products in the bathroom; treat yo'self! And just outside our window is one of the greatest cities in the world for cuisine. One of CNN's
top ten if you believe what they say. Street food is the greatest!

Sometimes it's hard for me to spend a bunch of dough on myself. I think about what if something happens and I need that money? Most times I think I would rather go without something I don't really need so Ash can use the money for her stuff. Ash said 'not this time Brad' and forced me to do something nice for myself for my 32nd birthday. Feeling old? Treat yo'self. Another grey hair? Treat yo'self!

Today I might jump around and run from place to place just because I can.

I think I see some CAVE CREATURES!

After the great bed bug fiasco of 2012 Brad and I were determined to have a good second day in Kuala Lumpur. After a few perfunctory travel details were taken care of we headed off braving the public transportation in search of Batu Caves.

Upon arrival we were both a bit unsure. Malaysia is a virtual melting pot of cultures and home to Asians, Middle Easterners, and Indians. Batu caves houses Hindu shrines and it was almost like walking back into India due to the religious paraphanelia and amount of garbage. I quickly noticed one of my arch enemies present- wild monkeys. Ever since that fateful day in India I have never trusted those little opposable thumb wielding rascals. We attempted to stay far away from the multitude of monkeys sorting through trash as we climbed the 200 steps to the top.

The main Batu Cave was a bit of a disappointment. Beautiful natural cavern filled with unkempt shrines, trash, graffiti, and people. We took a few photos and began our descent when we noticed a sign for another cave, aptly named "Dark Cave".

I love the Planet Earth BBC series. Those of you who saw the caves episode might remember a certain cave in Borneo filled with the creepiest of things. I swore that was hell on Earth and I would never go to a place like that. Little did I know where my reality was heading.

We paid about $10 apiece and after waiting our group of six entered the cave with our guide, a super happy Malaysian girl who had recently earned her biology degree. We were each handed a little flashlight. Bats screeched and chirped from overhead although they were next to impossible to see. We began to tromp through the cave on a narrow path and I tried not to gag at the heavy smell of ammonia from the guano (bat poop). This cave is one of the most researched tropical caves in the world and Brad was overjoyed to be inside of it. I was scared and had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The cave was created millions and millions of years ago from coral and shells as once upon a time Malaysia was under water. As the land changed and the limestone was created it surfaced from water and eventually formed a karst. Acidic rainwater seeped down and over millions of years it created a hole in the karst and then over time a cave formation. We began our descent into the cave and got to a section where there was a skylight and we could see many bats flying in a circle overhead. We continued until the light started to dissipate and our guide suddenly stopped. She instructed us to shine our flashlights out into a pit of darkness, which turned out to be a pit of guano. She estimated the pit to be between 3 to 6 feet deep. Upon closer look I saw that it looked like it was moving- it was like a carpet of cockroaches crawling all over the bat poop! She told us the cockroaches feed on it and then she suddenly shined her flashlight at our feet, shouting out, "Surprise!"

That sneaky betch. This was a surprise of the worst kind. Crawling around by my open backed shoes were cockroaches ranging in size from 1/2 inch to 2 inches. I yelped in disgust and jumped back from the side. Since there is no sun inside guano is actually the main life source within the cave. It smelled, quite literally, like shit.

We continued on the tour occasionally stopping to look at gorgeous cave formations and the occasional creepy cave spider. I was distracted though, shining the light near my feet trying to scare away the disgusting cockroaches. I was busy contemplating how I had even gotten here when Brad suddenly shined his light on the wall. Not two feet away from us was a monster- a real monster. An ten inch, million legged man eating centipede!

The real truth was that the centipede's body was at least 4-5 inches long with probably about 30 legs that were each also several inches long. It was one of the largest bugs I have ever seen in my life. Standing next to it in that dark cave it seemed to be the size of a small cocker spaniel. This is the mother of all cave predators that eats all the other insects- the cockroaches, spiders, and cave crickets. But that centipede was hungry for more and I think he liked the look of me. Just as I was pondering this thought the guide chirped out, "okay everyone turn off your flashlight! I want you to experience the real dark of the cave."

This betch was truly crazy. I was the last one to reluctantly turn off my flashlight. As I tried to see my hand in front of my face I realized I couldn't see a thing. It was the darkest dark I have ever not seen. There I stood surrounded by creatures from horror movies in the pitch black. I grabbed onto Brad and stood on one toe as I began to have a literal panic attack. I started sweating and yet was cold. My heart raced and each second felt like a year. I felt like I was going to throw up/run and then she called out,"okay! Turn on your light!" I was the first light on. Here I was literally living the episode of Planet Earth Caves. Personal hell.

We continued through the cave for another period of time until we came to a gigantic cavern with a skylight. Glorious light poured in and I felt a gleeful sense of relief. This was somewhat short lived when I learned that we were in one of the only caves in the world that housed the elusive trapdoor spider. This is the rarest spider on earth that freakishly survived from the Jurassic period 250 million years ago. Now there are only 100 or so left in the cave due to inbreeding, those horrendous centipedes, and human interference. I was very concerned about seeing one until she told me that I would have to go on the "adventure tour" to see one up close even though they are around. Um, what the hell was I on if not the adventure tour? There was a tour even more extreme?! She said yes and in that one you have to crawl through parts on your stomach. Thanks, but I'll pass on that I've seen what's crawling around here.

After checking out a flow-wall, more beautiful formations, and more nasty centipedes we came upon some cave crickets. Brad wants me to tell you all that cave crickets are non- photo tactic (which means they do not react to light, unlike cockroaches). There is also a worm in the cave who can actually regenerate when split into two, or three, or five. Brad also wants me to tell you that this worm has a special stem cell and if scientists can duplicate this regeneration in humans we might one day be able to eat our hand when hungry and have it grow back later. It's pretty amazing the way creatures who live in the dark react and adapt to their environment. There is also a cave snake that can use the rocks to climb the cave walls and wait for bats to fly into his open mouth.

After about 45 minutes inside we slowly made our way back out of the cave and I gingerly walked each step. As I stood in the entryway of limestone that was 400million years old I was astounded by the natural habitat within the cave. Even after my brush with the terrifying cave creatures I had proved to myself that I am stronger and braver than I give myself credit for. Suddenly, based on these terrifying creatures within, those stupid bedbugs didn't seem quite so bad.

As we walked back down the 200 steps we bypassed those damn monkeys who were trying to steal a little girl's juice. Bunch of jerks. A few of them gave me the side eye but generally left me alone. Then we treated ourselves to an ice cold coconut filled with fresh coconut water and hopped back on the metro.

Planet Earth caves episode, indeed.

Part 2- sweet dreams!

When leaving for this trip I had all sorts of concerns. I want to be a free flowing "ah no worries it will work out" type of gal but in all reality I am one of those "imagine many worst case scenarios and all my reactions to them" types. I drive myself crazy with it sometimes but other times it serves me well as it helps me to be a forward thinker. Quitting my conventional life and traveling throughout Asia is no small choice and a multitude of concerns arose. What if my bank card doesn't work in all countries? What if someone tries to rob me in a dark alley India? What if someone tries to slip drugs into my (nonexistent) surfboard at the airport and I am arrested for Heroin smuggling? What if a mosquito gives me the dreaded malaria? What if I cannot find tampons? Luckily for me the majority of these concerns have thus far proven to be a waste of my time and energy but unfortunately for me I have recently had to deal with one of my great fears. Ladies and gentleman, I have been turned into a walking cliche.

I am happy to report that Brad's toe has made a 97% recovery and he is now appreciating each and every step he takes. He believes the weight of the backpack and the hill caused something called "turf toe". I, however, have not been faring quite as well. You might remember that itchy neck he mentioned in part 1 of this blog series. When we arrived in Malaysia I had him really take a good look at what was going on back there and causing me such discomfort. Now I have dealt with some gnarly stuff before while teaching preschool including ringworm (uuuugh) but even I was blown away by what he found. 24 bites all over the back and sides of my neck and upper back. Ding, ding ding! Tell the lady what she has won... A case of "you've been bitten by bedbugs!"

I was distraught. One of my worst fears traveling throughout Asia had come true and I was flipping out. I immediately did what any sane person should never do- I went straight to google. I looked at pictures, forums about what to do, and generally worked myself up into a complete frenzy. Never under any circumstance do i recommend this behavior as it only made me feel worse. How could this have happened to me?! Where?! I shower each day and I usually check the beds of places I stay! I had met many travelers along the way who nonchalantly mentioned their bout with the bed beasts but naively I though I was safe from their wrath.

The truth was I had gotten lazy about checking because I was staying somewhere nice. I knew it had happened while I was staying in Macau. I wanted so desperately for it to have been the craphole we stayed at in Hong Kong but my gut told me otherwise. We had spent one night in this basement room (scene of the crime) and then upgraded to a suite by chance. Other than the musty smell the basement room had been lovely. I have since learned though that bedbugs do not discriminate. They are not prejudice and don't care where they stay- they enjoy the lap of luxury just as much as the next person as long as they get a meal. Rich people, poor people, we all taste the same. I'm sure after I left the room they put their tiny little hands on their tiny little hips and had a good laugh at my expense. "Ha ha ha check out that sucker backpacker thinking she is safe cause she is not at a hostel. We'll showed her!" Then they probably took a nap on the luxurious down pillows.

After calling my mom I finally did what any self respecting 28 year old would do- I had myself a little cry. Brad was amazing throughout this ordeal asking me what he could do. I have a flair for dramatics and responded with,"nothing, except cut off my neck!". He just smiled and hugged me and told me it would be okay. We got a hold of his brother, an amazing doctor, who told me to take Benadryl and stop freaking out. He also told me to stop googling as that doesn't make anyone feel better. I trust him immensely so I put away the iPod and went to sleep.

The next morning I lay curled up in a ball of depression as Brad put on a head lamp and shook out each and every piece of clothing from our luggage. He searched but found no freeloaders. I finally roused myself and together we went and found a laundromat and washed the majority of our items in hot hot water. We bought rubbing alcohol and doused all our bags just in case anyone hitched a ride. We also bought baby powder in hopes of helping with the mad itching i was facing. Brad willingly spent our first day in Kuala Lumpur helping me and I could not have done it without him. That my friends is true love.

I felt skanky and dirty the day I found out, as if this was something I should be embarrassed about. Bed bugs happened to dirty people I thought. However that's not true and if you have a pulse and breathe out carbon dioxide this too could be your tale. I refuse to be a victim swathed in embarrassed silence. I emailed the hotel and to their credit they were extremely embarrassed and apologetic and they have offered to give me a refund for the night of the incident. I do not even blame them persay as I am sure they had no knowledge that some previous traveller had left behind a few little party guests. I just appreciate that the hotel is taking steps to make it right- bed bugs in Asia are more common than you might think. The paranoia for me is now even worse than the actual bites and I am having trouble sleeping as I am constantly convinced something is on me. Hopefully with time (and perhaps therapy) this will lessen. I have checked the bed in Malaysia no fewer than 12 times.

So here we are, five days later with a healing foot and 24 healing excessively itchy bug bites. I am proud to say that I am moving on and and refuse to let a few bugs ruin my trip. All part of the adventure.

Good night, sleep tight , and don't let the bedbugs bite.

China exodus pt. 1 by Brad

Since we left the Chinese mainland we have hit some rough patches. Frankly traveling 1125 miles south and staying in a new city every few days in order to catch a flight that has already been booked can be tiring. It was good to arrive in Hong Kong, the English prevalence and increased food choices offered a welcome release from the ways we had grown used to in China. Some things were just not going right though. Our room was crap and tiny and the only one basically under 100$ we could find that didn't look like we would be robbed if we ever left it. It did have a whopping 2 English tv channels though!

We went out that night and got into a heated discussion about how I am not classy enough to match my age. We quite ironically ended the night on a park bench discussing our thoughts drinking cheap beer and malt wine coolers of various colors in front of a fountain whose pool was literally a giant arrow pointing directly at us as if to say, "look at these high-so socialites." We would have gone to a bar but we couldn't afford it because we had to wait 'til the morning for the ATM to work again.

The next day we found out that seizing Hong Kong is really hard and 2 full days is not enough in a city of 20 million plus people. We had to miss out on a temple and I had to talk myself down from this crazy rushed feeling that was wholly new for me on this trip. It was almost as if the cloth watch I wear from Lao was trying to move its stitched hands to count real minutes. I calmed and walked slower and felt better watching black and white lemurs bound and wrestle at the free zoo.

We rode a historic tram to overlook the hong kong skyline. It went lovely until while buying hot chocolate, we realized that I had misplaced 30$ at lunch. Quite quickly we had another "heated argument" this time regarding certain responsibilities I may or may not possess and Ashley's talent with details and who does the most work for our travels. I know what you readers are thinking, "Ashley really is detail oriented!"

The night ended with us safely in our cramped pod drifting to sleep to the muffled traffic music. The next morning I awoke with new resolve to catch details, count change with precision and read until I understand. After forgetting to refill my wallet and Ashley reminding me, we were on our way to Macau. We lugged ourselves to the ferry and successfully entered Macau. We found our hotel and after a ridiculous climb to the top of a hill which used to be a fortress, we checked into the hotel. Our room was musty and damp and had a few mosquitos flying out of the AC unit but that's nothing new. We spent most of the night at the casinos so we weren't even in the room very much anyway. My foot was aching a bit the next morning but we hit the pavement along the well traveled tourist trail around town. It was great but that's not what this entry concerns. We got lost on those spiraling and nonsensical Portuguese streets. After realizing that we had walked in a circle like we were in a fucking forest or something, we broke down and caught a bus. Back at the hotel we upgraded to a nicer room and I took a nap. I awoke to searing pain and a swollen foot. I have limped for four days now. The morning we were to leave Macau we realized we had no place to stay that night so I found a place and asked Ash what the date was. She thought I said what day do we check out and so we booked the hotel for the wrong night. Struggling not to freak out, we took the ferry across the green waters to mainland China once again, to find a hotel that very well could be full and a room we had paid for on a night we would be in a different country.

Port city Shenzen, China; a place with not a thing to offer two spent travelers who were already emotionally in Malaysia. After breaking the language barrier and sorting out the booking issue we realized we were famished. Ashley mentioned her neck was itching as we hit the working class streets refusing to eat a rip off meal at our cookie cutter airport hotel. I found solace in foodstall veggie dumplings while Ashley filled her tummy with mangosteens. The search for a decent restaurant was fruitless so we sadly made our way to the airport and sullenly shoveled McDonalds into our faces. We gingerly fell asleep late that night on our diving board bed. In the morning we left for the airport me limping and Ashley's neck itching.

to be continued...

On a side note it feels like so long ago I wrote the blog about riding the highs and swimming out of the lows. Upon further review this is still applicable but also can be explained more specifically. Water Waves are like all waves, if you increase their frequency, then their amplitude decreases. If you're tethered to another person and only have one life vest and one kick board you can use these tools in different combinations according to mood and individual strengths to navigate each peak and valley. If you are in a vacuum there will be no friction or sound as you slide from atop a cresting problem nor will there be any stopping you. Most importantly life is super complicated with combinations of rules and weird unexplainable happenings but if you are with a person you love dearly it's all good really.

People are strange, when you're a stranger

As we sit on the airplane leaving China I was thinking about the concept of nurture and cultural norms. So much of our personal habits, expectations, and mannerisms are defined by our upbringing. This morning Brad and I went to claim our free hotel breakfast and were horrified to find a traditional Chinese spread. Congee (a salty rice porridge), steamed mystery buns, lukewarm fried noodles, cabbage in some sauce, and fermented eggs stared back at me daring my stomach to undergo such a feat. I said absolutely not and hightailed it to eat an egg mcmuffin at the airport. As an American/Westerner I just cannot get down on soggy cabbage for breakfast. It's all about what you are used to though and the culture in which you grow up. Most cultural norms are simply a case of nurture. Those Chinese people were happily chomping down those dark fermented eggs while the very scent made me feel sick. I have realized while being the minority in China that here I am the strange one with the strange customs and tastes, not the other way around. I'm on their turf. The following are a list of "normal" things here in China that we find to be so bizarre and in many cases, highly amusing.

1. Crotchless pants- not just for strippers anymore! Here in China kids have taken over the Crotchless pants market. Who needs to wear a diaper when instead you can just have a hole cut out for your butt and private parts and defecate wherever you please! I cannot stop laughing at the sight of these little Asian bottoms walking away. Totally common to see kids peeing in gutters and pooping on grass. No joke. Split pants are all the rage. I tried to take a photo to show but it just seemed deeply wrong and I felt like Uncle Creepy. I guess the Chinese don't have as much diaper pollution and save some cash this way!

2. You can pick your own chicken, fish, or duck to eat at dinner! Talk about fresh- twenty minutes ago it was clucking around in a cage or swimming in a tank and now it's on your plate after you chose it for execution. People here are not so removed from their food source- see photos below. I'm thinking of starting a restaurant in America with the same concept and calling it Kentucky Fried Killer.

3. Man made nature. The very concept boggles my mind. As I have previously talked about you pay to see everything- and then some- and often this "nature" has been created by humans. Cave formations and stalagmites repaired by concrete, rocks carved to faintly resemble animals, sidewalks paths galore, grass only to look at (you don't walk on it, hello!), and man made "natural" hot springs and mud baths. We know it's not real yet somehow we still end up paying for man made nature. The real natural nature is gonna cost you too. Communism-1. Suckers-0.

4. Theatrical arguments. I have touched on this one before in a previous blog and even been the recipient of one of these tirades at the pizza restaurant. Shakespearian actors would be proud of these performances. Impassioned arguments erupt with waving arms, red faces, and lots of yelling. Someone might even go as far as pretending to "hold" someone back but it rarely ends up with actual fighting and blows. I guess since nature costs so much this is free entertainment for the masses. At first I was alarmed but now I just watch with wry amusement. I wonder if anyone is ever shouting, "Hold me back!" in Chinese...

5. Why can't we all just get in a line? In America we call it "cutting" or "budging" but in China it's just a way of life. Why stand in a line when you can just walk in front of everyone without getting called out for it? I even tried it once and totally got away with it! Personal space is also frequently lacking. People in China even look at and talk to each other in the elevator! Can you believe it? When I have called out others at train stations or restaurants for budging in front of me I am usually met with a blank stare and then ignored. Gggggrrrr. The only place that it is acceptable to budge is at the bar when you are trying to get a drink! Blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol.

6. Where has all the soap gone?! There is almost never any soap in the bathrooms- train stations, restaurants, and places that you really need it. So nasty. Just ponder that for a moment. With 1.3 billion people in a country I think soap and sanitation is pivotal. Soap fairy needs to pay a visit. True I am coming from a place that is overly concerned with sanitation but what's the point of wearing those SARS masks you see people wearing if you aren't even concerned about washing your hands?

7. I love the electric bicycles found all over but they are dangerous. Brad and I call them silent deadlies cause you don't hear them coming and suddenly your toe is almost smashed. We learned to look both ways many times when crossing the street. At night most people don't use their headlights to save on electric power so then they become silent invisible deadlies. I desperately want one back in America. So environmentally and lazy people friendly.

8. Fix that sewage problem! I hate the scent of sewage floating on the wind and seeping out of the gutters. Like many other countries in southeast Asia human waste presents a problem.

9. Group fitness. Aaah nothing warms my heart like a group of elderly people shaking it in unison on a park sidewalk. I just cant stop talking about it. It's free, it's healthy, and it's endlessly amusing to watch. It is also a lot harder than it looks to catch on to each dance routine. Watch out for the swords group at the park if you are trying to walk around them. America is seriously missing out on these group fitness in public spaces classes- let me tell you. Grandma and grandpa, young and old together in the name of fitness and fun.

10. Smoking everywhere! Puff puff puff. People even hold a cigarette in one hand and their baby in another. It's one thing if you want to make the choice to poison yourself with those nasty sticks of death but it's quite another when you are blowing smoke in my face at restaurants and public places and causing my hair to smell bad. Hong Kong and Macau have both outlawed smoking lets get with the times here China. I heard a figure that there are 350 million smokers in China- that's like the entire USA smoking. Groooooooss. Even smokers cannot possibly like it when they walk into a hotel room that smells like an ashtray from 1976. Smoking also contributes to the intense hacking and spitting everywhere, which is a whole other issue.

11. In America it's polite to eat everything someone gives you at dinner. We don't want to be rude by leaving food. I recently learned that in China it's the opposite and if you eat everything it means there was not enough food and more should come. You want to leave some to show you were taken care of properly. I think that's super cute.

12. When it's warm outside many men will just pull their shirts up around their nipples and rock it like that. I guess it's a natural air conditioner and many of them end up looking like the happy Buddha with those bellies hanging out. Brad tried it out and said it works... Gotta stay cool.

13. China has better fruit than the USA. Not genetically modified giant fruits with no taste but instead glorious fruits that fill me with wonder. Lychees, mangosteen, chinese blackberries, dragon fruit, sweet little strawberries, smallish mango things that have the consistency of peaches- so delicious. Fruit has saved me on multiple occasions.

On another note- why in the hell do you have to put your seat upright for takeoff on a plane? I just don't see the purpose! It makes me uncomfortable and I cannot see how my reclining two inches affects the takeoff or landing. Some stupid rules are the same no matter where you go. Like a renegade, though, I did not turn off my electrical device during takeoff! Can't hold me down.

See you soon Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

High rollers with Hong Kong dollars

I love Hong Kong and Macau. Hong Kong is flashy, über metropolitan while remaining quintessentially Asian, and bustling with life and lights. Macau is a funny blend of high rise flash casinos and old world Asian charm with mysterious back alley streets and a strong Portuguese influence. We were only in each place for a few days which was not nearly long enough but I'm glad I got a little taste of each of these Special Administrative Regions of China (or S.A.R.). Originally colonized by Portugal and Britain they are now both technically part of China (since the late nineties) but each place has retained their own political and economic systems so its quite different from the mainland. Here are a few of our highlights from these fantastic places!

We left mainland China and after going through customs took the MRT to Hong Kong! There are three main parts to Hong Kong but its quite easy to travel by either Metro or ferry. While there...
1. I found cheese! Yum yum welcome back into my life. Such good food in HK.
2. Kowloon lights show. If you are in the Kowloon area by the harbor you can watch the skyscrapers on Hong Kong Island flash lights and lasers set to music. Hilarious, kitschy, and totally worth 20 minutes of my time
3. Escalators on Hong Kong Island near Queens Road. That place is hilly as hell and I was certainly glad to ride on this crazy long escalator system up the hills. You can get on and off as you please and the child inside me still enjoys a ride on an escalator. Why is that so exciting?
4. Botanic Gardens/Zoological Park. Gorgeous and best of all- free! If you have never seen a good old fashioned lemur wrestling match you are missing out. I also enjoy a good flamingo sighting every now and then
5. Cable car up the Peak Tram. Very "touristy" but I loved the view of Hong Kong Island from the top of "The Peak" as it's known. We went at sunset to see it during day and night.
6. Jade market. God I loved that place- filled with things I wanted to buy. Beads, Buddhas, and jewelry...oh my!
7. Tin Hua Temple. I love me a good temple. Filled with incense and cute old Chinese people. Night market is also nearby
8. We ran out of money one night so instead of going to a bar like classy people we bought beers at the 7-11 and drank them on a park bench like the homeless people that we are. Well, I guess technically we have a home it just changes frequently from city to city. Our bench overlooked a fountain though so that classed it up a bit.

We went through customs, got on an expensive ferry, and boated off to Macau! While there...
1. Stayed at the greatest place- the hotel run by the Institute for Tourism Studies. Talk about service they are setting the standard. Included breakfast with homemade jams. I love students who are not yet jaded by the real world.
2. Casinos! Luck be a lady tonight. Water show at the Wynn, watching a dragon come out of the floor in the atrium, holding butterflies at the MGM, and more. My heart races and sings at the sound of those dinging slot machines.
3. Senado Square. Beautiful wavy cobblestone streets filled with neoclassic architecture that is a funny blend of Mediterranean and neon signs. If you want Asian beef jerky this is your place
4. St Dominic's Church. Gorgeous old Portuguese Catholic Church filled with light and also houses a sacred art museum. Macabre Jesus statues found here. We also went to the Cathedral which was built in 1622
5. Fortress of Macau and ruins of St Pauls.This place is filled with history and beauty. The climb to the top of the fortress was worth it. I also enjoyed the old cannons on display
6. Fancy lunch with cheese plate. Enough said
7. Old Protestant Cemetery. Graves from the late 1770s-1850s. Sailors, merchants, and missionaries found their final resting place here. Apparently you were lucky to live past the age of 35 back in those days- modern medicine is amazing.
8. Tom, Brad's lovely family member who resides in Macau, took us to an amazing dinner at a renowned restaurant called Fernando's. It was so unbelievably good that I even ate some- gasp- chicken! The place was located on Colane Island so we got to see another area of Macau. It was really fun to hear about Macau from someone who really knows the area. A dinner to remember. He also gave us a box of the best egg tarts I have ever eaten.
9. Gambling at the Venetian Casino on Taipa island. I wore my "high rollers" skirt for good luck and away we went to the roulette table. I hit on the first number (always play on 0) then was hooked and proceeded to lose it all. When I started getting sad I remembered that $100 Hong Kong dollars is actually less than $20US dollars. Then I spent some more since it felt like I was just playing with monopoly money. However I did not pass go to collect $200 and I would like my money back now please.

We went through customs yet again and we are now on a ferry back to Shenzhen, China where we will stay for one night before we fly to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia! We have had to stand in 6 customs lines in the past week, with 2 more to go tomorrow. As On a side note we just passed another large boat (tanker) where three Chinese men were all standing on deck in their underwear. Probably won't see that happening in America.

Before we leave China I would like to share with you a quote we recently heard from a renowned actor: "Excuse me but I'm confiscating these horses." Try to use that in a conversation at some point in your day today as that could be a euphemism for many things.

May your wild horses run free.

Also Brad wanted to add, "Free Tibet!"