I think I see some CAVE CREATURES!

After the great bed bug fiasco of 2012 Brad and I were determined to have a good second day in Kuala Lumpur. After a few perfunctory travel details were taken care of we headed off braving the public transportation in search of Batu Caves.

Upon arrival we were both a bit unsure. Malaysia is a virtual melting pot of cultures and home to Asians, Middle Easterners, and Indians. Batu caves houses Hindu shrines and it was almost like walking back into India due to the religious paraphanelia and amount of garbage. I quickly noticed one of my arch enemies present- wild monkeys. Ever since that fateful day in India I have never trusted those little opposable thumb wielding rascals. We attempted to stay far away from the multitude of monkeys sorting through trash as we climbed the 200 steps to the top.

The main Batu Cave was a bit of a disappointment. Beautiful natural cavern filled with unkempt shrines, trash, graffiti, and people. We took a few photos and began our descent when we noticed a sign for another cave, aptly named "Dark Cave".

I love the Planet Earth BBC series. Those of you who saw the caves episode might remember a certain cave in Borneo filled with the creepiest of things. I swore that was hell on Earth and I would never go to a place like that. Little did I know where my reality was heading.

We paid about $10 apiece and after waiting our group of six entered the cave with our guide, a super happy Malaysian girl who had recently earned her biology degree. We were each handed a little flashlight. Bats screeched and chirped from overhead although they were next to impossible to see. We began to tromp through the cave on a narrow path and I tried not to gag at the heavy smell of ammonia from the guano (bat poop). This cave is one of the most researched tropical caves in the world and Brad was overjoyed to be inside of it. I was scared and had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The cave was created millions and millions of years ago from coral and shells as once upon a time Malaysia was under water. As the land changed and the limestone was created it surfaced from water and eventually formed a karst. Acidic rainwater seeped down and over millions of years it created a hole in the karst and then over time a cave formation. We began our descent into the cave and got to a section where there was a skylight and we could see many bats flying in a circle overhead. We continued until the light started to dissipate and our guide suddenly stopped. She instructed us to shine our flashlights out into a pit of darkness, which turned out to be a pit of guano. She estimated the pit to be between 3 to 6 feet deep. Upon closer look I saw that it looked like it was moving- it was like a carpet of cockroaches crawling all over the bat poop! She told us the cockroaches feed on it and then she suddenly shined her flashlight at our feet, shouting out, "Surprise!"

That sneaky betch. This was a surprise of the worst kind. Crawling around by my open backed shoes were cockroaches ranging in size from 1/2 inch to 2 inches. I yelped in disgust and jumped back from the side. Since there is no sun inside guano is actually the main life source within the cave. It smelled, quite literally, like shit.

We continued on the tour occasionally stopping to look at gorgeous cave formations and the occasional creepy cave spider. I was distracted though, shining the light near my feet trying to scare away the disgusting cockroaches. I was busy contemplating how I had even gotten here when Brad suddenly shined his light on the wall. Not two feet away from us was a monster- a real monster. An ten inch, million legged man eating centipede!

The real truth was that the centipede's body was at least 4-5 inches long with probably about 30 legs that were each also several inches long. It was one of the largest bugs I have ever seen in my life. Standing next to it in that dark cave it seemed to be the size of a small cocker spaniel. This is the mother of all cave predators that eats all the other insects- the cockroaches, spiders, and cave crickets. But that centipede was hungry for more and I think he liked the look of me. Just as I was pondering this thought the guide chirped out, "okay everyone turn off your flashlight! I want you to experience the real dark of the cave."

This betch was truly crazy. I was the last one to reluctantly turn off my flashlight. As I tried to see my hand in front of my face I realized I couldn't see a thing. It was the darkest dark I have ever not seen. There I stood surrounded by creatures from horror movies in the pitch black. I grabbed onto Brad and stood on one toe as I began to have a literal panic attack. I started sweating and yet was cold. My heart raced and each second felt like a year. I felt like I was going to throw up/run and then she called out,"okay! Turn on your light!" I was the first light on. Here I was literally living the episode of Planet Earth Caves. Personal hell.

We continued through the cave for another period of time until we came to a gigantic cavern with a skylight. Glorious light poured in and I felt a gleeful sense of relief. This was somewhat short lived when I learned that we were in one of the only caves in the world that housed the elusive trapdoor spider. This is the rarest spider on earth that freakishly survived from the Jurassic period 250 million years ago. Now there are only 100 or so left in the cave due to inbreeding, those horrendous centipedes, and human interference. I was very concerned about seeing one until she told me that I would have to go on the "adventure tour" to see one up close even though they are around. Um, what the hell was I on if not the adventure tour? There was a tour even more extreme?! She said yes and in that one you have to crawl through parts on your stomach. Thanks, but I'll pass on that I've seen what's crawling around here.

After checking out a flow-wall, more beautiful formations, and more nasty centipedes we came upon some cave crickets. Brad wants me to tell you all that cave crickets are non- photo tactic (which means they do not react to light, unlike cockroaches). There is also a worm in the cave who can actually regenerate when split into two, or three, or five. Brad also wants me to tell you that this worm has a special stem cell and if scientists can duplicate this regeneration in humans we might one day be able to eat our hand when hungry and have it grow back later. It's pretty amazing the way creatures who live in the dark react and adapt to their environment. There is also a cave snake that can use the rocks to climb the cave walls and wait for bats to fly into his open mouth.

After about 45 minutes inside we slowly made our way back out of the cave and I gingerly walked each step. As I stood in the entryway of limestone that was 400million years old I was astounded by the natural habitat within the cave. Even after my brush with the terrifying cave creatures I had proved to myself that I am stronger and braver than I give myself credit for. Suddenly, based on these terrifying creatures within, those stupid bedbugs didn't seem quite so bad.

As we walked back down the 200 steps we bypassed those damn monkeys who were trying to steal a little girl's juice. Bunch of jerks. A few of them gave me the side eye but generally left me alone. Then we treated ourselves to an ice cold coconut filled with fresh coconut water and hopped back on the metro.

Planet Earth caves episode, indeed.

Part 2- sweet dreams!

When leaving for this trip I had all sorts of concerns. I want to be a free flowing "ah no worries it will work out" type of gal but in all reality I am one of those "imagine many worst case scenarios and all my reactions to them" types. I drive myself crazy with it sometimes but other times it serves me well as it helps me to be a forward thinker. Quitting my conventional life and traveling throughout Asia is no small choice and a multitude of concerns arose. What if my bank card doesn't work in all countries? What if someone tries to rob me in a dark alley India? What if someone tries to slip drugs into my (nonexistent) surfboard at the airport and I am arrested for Heroin smuggling? What if a mosquito gives me the dreaded malaria? What if I cannot find tampons? Luckily for me the majority of these concerns have thus far proven to be a waste of my time and energy but unfortunately for me I have recently had to deal with one of my great fears. Ladies and gentleman, I have been turned into a walking cliche.

I am happy to report that Brad's toe has made a 97% recovery and he is now appreciating each and every step he takes. He believes the weight of the backpack and the hill caused something called "turf toe". I, however, have not been faring quite as well. You might remember that itchy neck he mentioned in part 1 of this blog series. When we arrived in Malaysia I had him really take a good look at what was going on back there and causing me such discomfort. Now I have dealt with some gnarly stuff before while teaching preschool including ringworm (uuuugh) but even I was blown away by what he found. 24 bites all over the back and sides of my neck and upper back. Ding, ding ding! Tell the lady what she has won... A case of "you've been bitten by bedbugs!"

I was distraught. One of my worst fears traveling throughout Asia had come true and I was flipping out. I immediately did what any sane person should never do- I went straight to google. I looked at pictures, forums about what to do, and generally worked myself up into a complete frenzy. Never under any circumstance do i recommend this behavior as it only made me feel worse. How could this have happened to me?! Where?! I shower each day and I usually check the beds of places I stay! I had met many travelers along the way who nonchalantly mentioned their bout with the bed beasts but naively I though I was safe from their wrath.

The truth was I had gotten lazy about checking because I was staying somewhere nice. I knew it had happened while I was staying in Macau. I wanted so desperately for it to have been the craphole we stayed at in Hong Kong but my gut told me otherwise. We had spent one night in this basement room (scene of the crime) and then upgraded to a suite by chance. Other than the musty smell the basement room had been lovely. I have since learned though that bedbugs do not discriminate. They are not prejudice and don't care where they stay- they enjoy the lap of luxury just as much as the next person as long as they get a meal. Rich people, poor people, we all taste the same. I'm sure after I left the room they put their tiny little hands on their tiny little hips and had a good laugh at my expense. "Ha ha ha check out that sucker backpacker thinking she is safe cause she is not at a hostel. We'll showed her!" Then they probably took a nap on the luxurious down pillows.

After calling my mom I finally did what any self respecting 28 year old would do- I had myself a little cry. Brad was amazing throughout this ordeal asking me what he could do. I have a flair for dramatics and responded with,"nothing, except cut off my neck!". He just smiled and hugged me and told me it would be okay. We got a hold of his brother, an amazing doctor, who told me to take Benadryl and stop freaking out. He also told me to stop googling as that doesn't make anyone feel better. I trust him immensely so I put away the iPod and went to sleep.

The next morning I lay curled up in a ball of depression as Brad put on a head lamp and shook out each and every piece of clothing from our luggage. He searched but found no freeloaders. I finally roused myself and together we went and found a laundromat and washed the majority of our items in hot hot water. We bought rubbing alcohol and doused all our bags just in case anyone hitched a ride. We also bought baby powder in hopes of helping with the mad itching i was facing. Brad willingly spent our first day in Kuala Lumpur helping me and I could not have done it without him. That my friends is true love.

I felt skanky and dirty the day I found out, as if this was something I should be embarrassed about. Bed bugs happened to dirty people I thought. However that's not true and if you have a pulse and breathe out carbon dioxide this too could be your tale. I refuse to be a victim swathed in embarrassed silence. I emailed the hotel and to their credit they were extremely embarrassed and apologetic and they have offered to give me a refund for the night of the incident. I do not even blame them persay as I am sure they had no knowledge that some previous traveller had left behind a few little party guests. I just appreciate that the hotel is taking steps to make it right- bed bugs in Asia are more common than you might think. The paranoia for me is now even worse than the actual bites and I am having trouble sleeping as I am constantly convinced something is on me. Hopefully with time (and perhaps therapy) this will lessen. I have checked the bed in Malaysia no fewer than 12 times.

So here we are, five days later with a healing foot and 24 healing excessively itchy bug bites. I am proud to say that I am moving on and and refuse to let a few bugs ruin my trip. All part of the adventure.

Good night, sleep tight , and don't let the bedbugs bite.

China exodus pt. 1 by Brad

Since we left the Chinese mainland we have hit some rough patches. Frankly traveling 1125 miles south and staying in a new city every few days in order to catch a flight that has already been booked can be tiring. It was good to arrive in Hong Kong, the English prevalence and increased food choices offered a welcome release from the ways we had grown used to in China. Some things were just not going right though. Our room was crap and tiny and the only one basically under 100$ we could find that didn't look like we would be robbed if we ever left it. It did have a whopping 2 English tv channels though!

We went out that night and got into a heated discussion about how I am not classy enough to match my age. We quite ironically ended the night on a park bench discussing our thoughts drinking cheap beer and malt wine coolers of various colors in front of a fountain whose pool was literally a giant arrow pointing directly at us as if to say, "look at these high-so socialites." We would have gone to a bar but we couldn't afford it because we had to wait 'til the morning for the ATM to work again.

The next day we found out that seizing Hong Kong is really hard and 2 full days is not enough in a city of 20 million plus people. We had to miss out on a temple and I had to talk myself down from this crazy rushed feeling that was wholly new for me on this trip. It was almost as if the cloth watch I wear from Lao was trying to move its stitched hands to count real minutes. I calmed and walked slower and felt better watching black and white lemurs bound and wrestle at the free zoo.

We rode a historic tram to overlook the hong kong skyline. It went lovely until while buying hot chocolate, we realized that I had misplaced 30$ at lunch. Quite quickly we had another "heated argument" this time regarding certain responsibilities I may or may not possess and Ashley's talent with details and who does the most work for our travels. I know what you readers are thinking, "Ashley really is detail oriented!"

The night ended with us safely in our cramped pod drifting to sleep to the muffled traffic music. The next morning I awoke with new resolve to catch details, count change with precision and read until I understand. After forgetting to refill my wallet and Ashley reminding me, we were on our way to Macau. We lugged ourselves to the ferry and successfully entered Macau. We found our hotel and after a ridiculous climb to the top of a hill which used to be a fortress, we checked into the hotel. Our room was musty and damp and had a few mosquitos flying out of the AC unit but that's nothing new. We spent most of the night at the casinos so we weren't even in the room very much anyway. My foot was aching a bit the next morning but we hit the pavement along the well traveled tourist trail around town. It was great but that's not what this entry concerns. We got lost on those spiraling and nonsensical Portuguese streets. After realizing that we had walked in a circle like we were in a fucking forest or something, we broke down and caught a bus. Back at the hotel we upgraded to a nicer room and I took a nap. I awoke to searing pain and a swollen foot. I have limped for four days now. The morning we were to leave Macau we realized we had no place to stay that night so I found a place and asked Ash what the date was. She thought I said what day do we check out and so we booked the hotel for the wrong night. Struggling not to freak out, we took the ferry across the green waters to mainland China once again, to find a hotel that very well could be full and a room we had paid for on a night we would be in a different country.

Port city Shenzen, China; a place with not a thing to offer two spent travelers who were already emotionally in Malaysia. After breaking the language barrier and sorting out the booking issue we realized we were famished. Ashley mentioned her neck was itching as we hit the working class streets refusing to eat a rip off meal at our cookie cutter airport hotel. I found solace in foodstall veggie dumplings while Ashley filled her tummy with mangosteens. The search for a decent restaurant was fruitless so we sadly made our way to the airport and sullenly shoveled McDonalds into our faces. We gingerly fell asleep late that night on our diving board bed. In the morning we left for the airport me limping and Ashley's neck itching.

to be continued...

On a side note it feels like so long ago I wrote the blog about riding the highs and swimming out of the lows. Upon further review this is still applicable but also can be explained more specifically. Water Waves are like all waves, if you increase their frequency, then their amplitude decreases. If you're tethered to another person and only have one life vest and one kick board you can use these tools in different combinations according to mood and individual strengths to navigate each peak and valley. If you are in a vacuum there will be no friction or sound as you slide from atop a cresting problem nor will there be any stopping you. Most importantly life is super complicated with combinations of rules and weird unexplainable happenings but if you are with a person you love dearly it's all good really.

People are strange, when you're a stranger

As we sit on the airplane leaving China I was thinking about the concept of nurture and cultural norms. So much of our personal habits, expectations, and mannerisms are defined by our upbringing. This morning Brad and I went to claim our free hotel breakfast and were horrified to find a traditional Chinese spread. Congee (a salty rice porridge), steamed mystery buns, lukewarm fried noodles, cabbage in some sauce, and fermented eggs stared back at me daring my stomach to undergo such a feat. I said absolutely not and hightailed it to eat an egg mcmuffin at the airport. As an American/Westerner I just cannot get down on soggy cabbage for breakfast. It's all about what you are used to though and the culture in which you grow up. Most cultural norms are simply a case of nurture. Those Chinese people were happily chomping down those dark fermented eggs while the very scent made me feel sick. I have realized while being the minority in China that here I am the strange one with the strange customs and tastes, not the other way around. I'm on their turf. The following are a list of "normal" things here in China that we find to be so bizarre and in many cases, highly amusing.

1. Crotchless pants- not just for strippers anymore! Here in China kids have taken over the Crotchless pants market. Who needs to wear a diaper when instead you can just have a hole cut out for your butt and private parts and defecate wherever you please! I cannot stop laughing at the sight of these little Asian bottoms walking away. Totally common to see kids peeing in gutters and pooping on grass. No joke. Split pants are all the rage. I tried to take a photo to show but it just seemed deeply wrong and I felt like Uncle Creepy. I guess the Chinese don't have as much diaper pollution and save some cash this way!

2. You can pick your own chicken, fish, or duck to eat at dinner! Talk about fresh- twenty minutes ago it was clucking around in a cage or swimming in a tank and now it's on your plate after you chose it for execution. People here are not so removed from their food source- see photos below. I'm thinking of starting a restaurant in America with the same concept and calling it Kentucky Fried Killer.

3. Man made nature. The very concept boggles my mind. As I have previously talked about you pay to see everything- and then some- and often this "nature" has been created by humans. Cave formations and stalagmites repaired by concrete, rocks carved to faintly resemble animals, sidewalks paths galore, grass only to look at (you don't walk on it, hello!), and man made "natural" hot springs and mud baths. We know it's not real yet somehow we still end up paying for man made nature. The real natural nature is gonna cost you too. Communism-1. Suckers-0.

4. Theatrical arguments. I have touched on this one before in a previous blog and even been the recipient of one of these tirades at the pizza restaurant. Shakespearian actors would be proud of these performances. Impassioned arguments erupt with waving arms, red faces, and lots of yelling. Someone might even go as far as pretending to "hold" someone back but it rarely ends up with actual fighting and blows. I guess since nature costs so much this is free entertainment for the masses. At first I was alarmed but now I just watch with wry amusement. I wonder if anyone is ever shouting, "Hold me back!" in Chinese...

5. Why can't we all just get in a line? In America we call it "cutting" or "budging" but in China it's just a way of life. Why stand in a line when you can just walk in front of everyone without getting called out for it? I even tried it once and totally got away with it! Personal space is also frequently lacking. People in China even look at and talk to each other in the elevator! Can you believe it? When I have called out others at train stations or restaurants for budging in front of me I am usually met with a blank stare and then ignored. Gggggrrrr. The only place that it is acceptable to budge is at the bar when you are trying to get a drink! Blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol.

6. Where has all the soap gone?! There is almost never any soap in the bathrooms- train stations, restaurants, and places that you really need it. So nasty. Just ponder that for a moment. With 1.3 billion people in a country I think soap and sanitation is pivotal. Soap fairy needs to pay a visit. True I am coming from a place that is overly concerned with sanitation but what's the point of wearing those SARS masks you see people wearing if you aren't even concerned about washing your hands?

7. I love the electric bicycles found all over but they are dangerous. Brad and I call them silent deadlies cause you don't hear them coming and suddenly your toe is almost smashed. We learned to look both ways many times when crossing the street. At night most people don't use their headlights to save on electric power so then they become silent invisible deadlies. I desperately want one back in America. So environmentally and lazy people friendly.

8. Fix that sewage problem! I hate the scent of sewage floating on the wind and seeping out of the gutters. Like many other countries in southeast Asia human waste presents a problem.

9. Group fitness. Aaah nothing warms my heart like a group of elderly people shaking it in unison on a park sidewalk. I just cant stop talking about it. It's free, it's healthy, and it's endlessly amusing to watch. It is also a lot harder than it looks to catch on to each dance routine. Watch out for the swords group at the park if you are trying to walk around them. America is seriously missing out on these group fitness in public spaces classes- let me tell you. Grandma and grandpa, young and old together in the name of fitness and fun.

10. Smoking everywhere! Puff puff puff. People even hold a cigarette in one hand and their baby in another. It's one thing if you want to make the choice to poison yourself with those nasty sticks of death but it's quite another when you are blowing smoke in my face at restaurants and public places and causing my hair to smell bad. Hong Kong and Macau have both outlawed smoking lets get with the times here China. I heard a figure that there are 350 million smokers in China- that's like the entire USA smoking. Groooooooss. Even smokers cannot possibly like it when they walk into a hotel room that smells like an ashtray from 1976. Smoking also contributes to the intense hacking and spitting everywhere, which is a whole other issue.

11. In America it's polite to eat everything someone gives you at dinner. We don't want to be rude by leaving food. I recently learned that in China it's the opposite and if you eat everything it means there was not enough food and more should come. You want to leave some to show you were taken care of properly. I think that's super cute.

12. When it's warm outside many men will just pull their shirts up around their nipples and rock it like that. I guess it's a natural air conditioner and many of them end up looking like the happy Buddha with those bellies hanging out. Brad tried it out and said it works... Gotta stay cool.

13. China has better fruit than the USA. Not genetically modified giant fruits with no taste but instead glorious fruits that fill me with wonder. Lychees, mangosteen, chinese blackberries, dragon fruit, sweet little strawberries, smallish mango things that have the consistency of peaches- so delicious. Fruit has saved me on multiple occasions.

On another note- why in the hell do you have to put your seat upright for takeoff on a plane? I just don't see the purpose! It makes me uncomfortable and I cannot see how my reclining two inches affects the takeoff or landing. Some stupid rules are the same no matter where you go. Like a renegade, though, I did not turn off my electrical device during takeoff! Can't hold me down.

See you soon Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

High rollers with Hong Kong dollars

I love Hong Kong and Macau. Hong Kong is flashy, über metropolitan while remaining quintessentially Asian, and bustling with life and lights. Macau is a funny blend of high rise flash casinos and old world Asian charm with mysterious back alley streets and a strong Portuguese influence. We were only in each place for a few days which was not nearly long enough but I'm glad I got a little taste of each of these Special Administrative Regions of China (or S.A.R.). Originally colonized by Portugal and Britain they are now both technically part of China (since the late nineties) but each place has retained their own political and economic systems so its quite different from the mainland. Here are a few of our highlights from these fantastic places!

We left mainland China and after going through customs took the MRT to Hong Kong! There are three main parts to Hong Kong but its quite easy to travel by either Metro or ferry. While there...
1. I found cheese! Yum yum welcome back into my life. Such good food in HK.
2. Kowloon lights show. If you are in the Kowloon area by the harbor you can watch the skyscrapers on Hong Kong Island flash lights and lasers set to music. Hilarious, kitschy, and totally worth 20 minutes of my time
3. Escalators on Hong Kong Island near Queens Road. That place is hilly as hell and I was certainly glad to ride on this crazy long escalator system up the hills. You can get on and off as you please and the child inside me still enjoys a ride on an escalator. Why is that so exciting?
4. Botanic Gardens/Zoological Park. Gorgeous and best of all- free! If you have never seen a good old fashioned lemur wrestling match you are missing out. I also enjoy a good flamingo sighting every now and then
5. Cable car up the Peak Tram. Very "touristy" but I loved the view of Hong Kong Island from the top of "The Peak" as it's known. We went at sunset to see it during day and night.
6. Jade market. God I loved that place- filled with things I wanted to buy. Beads, Buddhas, and jewelry...oh my!
7. Tin Hua Temple. I love me a good temple. Filled with incense and cute old Chinese people. Night market is also nearby
8. We ran out of money one night so instead of going to a bar like classy people we bought beers at the 7-11 and drank them on a park bench like the homeless people that we are. Well, I guess technically we have a home it just changes frequently from city to city. Our bench overlooked a fountain though so that classed it up a bit.

We went through customs, got on an expensive ferry, and boated off to Macau! While there...
1. Stayed at the greatest place- the hotel run by the Institute for Tourism Studies. Talk about service they are setting the standard. Included breakfast with homemade jams. I love students who are not yet jaded by the real world.
2. Casinos! Luck be a lady tonight. Water show at the Wynn, watching a dragon come out of the floor in the atrium, holding butterflies at the MGM, and more. My heart races and sings at the sound of those dinging slot machines.
3. Senado Square. Beautiful wavy cobblestone streets filled with neoclassic architecture that is a funny blend of Mediterranean and neon signs. If you want Asian beef jerky this is your place
4. St Dominic's Church. Gorgeous old Portuguese Catholic Church filled with light and also houses a sacred art museum. Macabre Jesus statues found here. We also went to the Cathedral which was built in 1622
5. Fortress of Macau and ruins of St Pauls.This place is filled with history and beauty. The climb to the top of the fortress was worth it. I also enjoyed the old cannons on display
6. Fancy lunch with cheese plate. Enough said
7. Old Protestant Cemetery. Graves from the late 1770s-1850s. Sailors, merchants, and missionaries found their final resting place here. Apparently you were lucky to live past the age of 35 back in those days- modern medicine is amazing.
8. Tom, Brad's lovely family member who resides in Macau, took us to an amazing dinner at a renowned restaurant called Fernando's. It was so unbelievably good that I even ate some- gasp- chicken! The place was located on Colane Island so we got to see another area of Macau. It was really fun to hear about Macau from someone who really knows the area. A dinner to remember. He also gave us a box of the best egg tarts I have ever eaten.
9. Gambling at the Venetian Casino on Taipa island. I wore my "high rollers" skirt for good luck and away we went to the roulette table. I hit on the first number (always play on 0) then was hooked and proceeded to lose it all. When I started getting sad I remembered that $100 Hong Kong dollars is actually less than $20US dollars. Then I spent some more since it felt like I was just playing with monopoly money. However I did not pass go to collect $200 and I would like my money back now please.

We went through customs yet again and we are now on a ferry back to Shenzhen, China where we will stay for one night before we fly to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia! We have had to stand in 6 customs lines in the past week, with 2 more to go tomorrow. As On a side note we just passed another large boat (tanker) where three Chinese men were all standing on deck in their underwear. Probably won't see that happening in America.

Before we leave China I would like to share with you a quote we recently heard from a renowned actor: "Excuse me but I'm confiscating these horses." Try to use that in a conversation at some point in your day today as that could be a euphemism for many things.

May your wild horses run free.

Also Brad wanted to add, "Free Tibet!"

Scam-Asia

A few days ago we signed up for a several hour bamboo raft ride from Guilin to Yangshuo. We happily paid our money and set off for our three hour tour. Turns out when we arrived at the pier we were only on our bamboo raft for thirty minutes and then herded onto a bigger overcrowded boat with the rest of the tourist cattle. Not only was it not what we expected but we paid more (and actually less too) than other people on the boat for the same tour. Big rip off? True it was not a Gilligans Island catastrophe and we still had a lovely time but the fact is you don't always get what you pay for. Welcome to Asia! We present to you some of the best scams, touts, and rip offs Asia has to offer compiled from stories from fellow travelers. Now that you have already read Brad's earlier sellers manual you, too, can read the following to become a con artist in Asia (or avoid travel scams during future adventures).

1. The "tea" scam (mostly China). Friendly person approaches speaking English. Offers to help you, find place, etc and suggests you stop somewhere for quick drink along the way. Thinking you have met a new friend you agree and they offer you some tea and before you and your partner know it some muscled dude comes to say you owe $50 apiece. Just happened to an English couple we met in Beijing.

2. The "wine" scam (mostly China, but happens elsewhere) Like the tea scam but involves usually single men. You meet a lady who speaks good English and she asks you to go for a drink. Little did you know you have bought her a 100 year old glass of wine and now owe your arm and a leg. She's just not that into you, only your money and her cut of it.

3. The "tour" scam (everywhere). You are almost always being ripped off paying for a tour. Whether you are trying to hike in Chiang Mai, a Mekong cruise in Lao, or take a boat to Yangshuo you are probably paying too much due to your Caucasian ancestry. Brad refers to it as skin tax. We even get charged too much when we buy fruit. We have become overly suspicious and are now guilty of "over-bartering" even when bartering for price is not an option and no one is attempting to scam us. The tour company or hotel just assumes you are passing through and that they wont hear from you again. Wrong- those people who sold me that boat tour have not heard the last of me. Guess what suckers I will be back in Guilin today so we will be having a chat. Don't make me be "nice like a cobra".

4. "Art Shop" student (China). Friendly citizen begins a conversation about where you are from (a very normal question). Oh, what a coincidence they are going there to study! Next year! How funny is that... And they also have an art shop right around the corner if you want to visit. We have not yet figured out what the end result is (rob, steal, or art at an outrageous price) but we aren't going to head there to find out.

5. Marble shop, Silk Shop, Silver Shop (India). Friendly cab driver asks if you like to shop or if you want to see how ____ is made. You ask him to just go to a market and he tells you he knows just the place, no market around. Before you know it you are inside of a silk shop being served Chai tea and shown silk swatches. Cost twice as much cause your driver gets also commission. "oh, just look you don't have to buy!" says the driver. Let me tell you when you don't want to buy the nice demeanor certainly changes. We learned to give our destination and follow it up with, "And no stops!" We did, however, end up with a little marble elephant before we wised up. No market my ass.

6. Tuk tuk gas stamps (Thailand and Cambodia). Amazing deal on a ride if you will just stop by this shop or tailor super quick so the driver can get a gas stamp for bringing the owner of the store potential prey. We have literally crawled out of a tuk tuk after refusing to go in and the driver was attempting to block us with his body. I'll show you a gas stamp buddy...

7. Poo Shoe (India) I'm not making this one up- happened to an Australian we met. An Indian shoe shiner suddenly points out you have a bunch of poo on your shoe and they will clean it for you with their little shoe cleaning kit. What you don't realize is that this is no coincidence and someone else from the poo gang just flicked it there while you weren't looking. You have fallen in the trap and are about to get charged 500 rupees for getting it cleaned off. Our new friend said he earned the nickname "shit shoe" after experiencing this gem. Animal or human feces? Your guess is as good as mine.

8. Powdered Milk ( Cambodia) A hungry child or poor mother approaches you begging for money. When you say no they then ask if you will please just buy some powdered milk for the poor child. Tug at the heartstrings and tug hard! What you don't know is that the shop is in on it and after you buy said powdered milk the person/child sells it back to the store for half price. Big profits here. We were asked for this by several kids and parents but instead I would just offer them a few bites of whatever we were eating. I do appreciate a young entrepreneurial spirit though- keep hustlin.

9. TAT office (Thailand). TAT is supposed to be the official tour office that is licensed to sell tours. Always ask for a TAT number when purchasing anything and I would recommend you shop around, look at reviews, and do your homework. Just cause it has a TAT sticker on the window doesn't mean its legit. Some people are taken to fake TAT offices and scammed for hundreds of dollars. If there are a bunch of other white people in there that doesn't mean its for real. It doesn't make it official because someone says it is. In any country just try to buy train, bus, etc straight from the station whenever possible.

10. Motorbikes Rental (take your pick of countries) You hand over your passport as a deposit (or large sum of cash) and take off for a day around your motorbike or even bicycle in some cases. When you return they are horrified and demand you pay for some scratch that has suddenly and supposedly occurred while in your care. In cases they have demanded ridiculous sums of money or police involvement. They still have your passport too so you are stuck. Some older dude we met in Thailand fought some thugs with a wrench over a "scratched" motorbike. Luckily for us when we wrecked the motorbike and legitimately messed it up it was owned by an Englishman and he was quite reasonable if not kind about the matter. Thank god, cause he also was enormous and enjoyed kickboxing.

11. Taxi Fare (everywhere) Always agree on price before you get in a cab or make them turn on the meter. Tuk-tuks everywhere are notorious for giant rip offs and while they are tremendously fun ending the ride with a yelling match is not enjoyable. Taxis everywhere in the world can be a rip off it seems. Always trying to milk the meter for all it's worth!

12. Fake visas (Thailand to Cambodia) Crossing the border from Thailand into Cambodia is a nightmare. It's a weird stretch of no man's land and everyone is trying to sell Cambodian visas. You cannot, I repeat cannot buy a Cambodian visa before you leave Thailand's border. But before you know it you have departed the bus in Thailand and have been shuffled into an office and are filling out paperwork to pay double the price of the actual visa cost. After about thirty seconds we bounced straight out of that office in Thailand and across the border. Once you cross there are more "official" places waiting to charge you to get a visa in Cambodia- skip them all and head for the real government office. Poipet is the armpit of Asia and land of scams. We opted to get our visa in Bangkok to skip that nonsense.

13. Tuk tuk to preferred guest house/hostel (Cambodia). Everyone gets a cut. You don't have a place to stay? The tuk-tuk will suggest a GREAT place and take you to their preferred hostel and when you agree to stay they get commission. Not the worst scam around- in some cases everyone actually ends up happy. Unless somehow bed bugs are involved.

14. Stolen remote/room deposit scam (Vietnam specifically but elsewhere too) When you check out of your room you are told your remote is missing, a towel gone, etc. You are then expected to pay for said item. This happened to an Australian couple who came back from a late night and found the remote missing. After calling the hotel on this and freaking out on management the hotel finally backed down and replaced the "missing" remote. We haven't experienced this firsthand thankfully although someone in housekeeping did once drink my iced tea and then refilled it with water in hopes I wouldn't notice. Hey betch- the seal wasn't cracked yet I know what you were up to.

15. Beggars network (all over) Who you give to is not necessarily who receives. That is true everywhere. We will not even get into the dark side of this- we have all seen Slumdog Millionaire.

16. Money for pictures- taking and receiving (India and all countries with hill tribes/villages) A picture is not free. The nice guard in India wants money after taking a photo for you- it doesn't matter that he was just standing there with nothing else to do. The snake charmer is going to invite you to sit next to him and then after you snap a couple shots he will demand 300 rupees. Absolutely not. I will never forget the little 10 year old Hmong girl in Laos who after flashing me a smile while I took her picture demand "Now you pay money! Picture no free!"You speak the truth little lady. I will however willingly pay 10 yuan to see one of the "long hair" women in China undo her hair if I get to take a video. Pictures of "exotic" things will cost you.

17. Just cause you've paid admission doesn't mean it's free (all countries, especially China). You paid 750 rupees to get into the Taj Mahal and you thought your shoe covers were free? Think again. Although we have found this all over Asia China has been the biggest culprit. Nature costs money folks, especially if it's man made. You pay to get into a park only to pay to get into the attraction within the park. Then you might have to pay to get into something else and don't you forget about the souvenir photo at the end! Rock shaped like an elephant? You pay to see. Want to go to a scenic viewpoint? Pay now! Temple to pray? Pay! Picture with a peacock? F you pay me!

Just like in America be mindful of pickpockets, smart about money, and keep your stuff locked up safely. Its not all bad news by any means and the majority of people are just living their life. Asia is also the land of unfixed prices and bargaining and when I'm in the right mood I quite enjoy the game of retail tennis- back and forth we go with the prices. It's all about being fair, continuing to smile, and remembering that we are a guest in their country while taking no prisoners. We have gotten some amazing deals along the way. The good things about Asia far outweigh the bad and I think you can find rotten apples all over the world. Basic rules: use your head and trust your gut. We hope you have enjoyed today's lesson at the school of hard knocks- that will be $27 apiece payable to me. $50 apiece if you drank the tea. Thank you! Pay now or deal with my thug (Brad).

Yangshuo, China

Welcome to one of the most beautiful parts of China- Yangshuo. Filled with limestone karsts, small villages, and shimmering rice paddies this feels like a walk back in time. Today we biked to Dragon's Bridge and then took a bamboo raft (literally raft made from bamboo tied together) and floated down the Yulong river for a few hours. Life is rough.

Enjoy a few photos of our current neighborhood.

Dragons Back Rice Terraces

Introducing the Dragons Back Rice Terraces in Longsheng County China. We stayed in a little village high up in the mountains with the lovely "long hair" tribe (as they call them). No wifi, basic log cabin room, and we ate meals in someones home each day.

We had a fabulous few days hiking miles around these amazing mountain rice terraces. Google them, as these pictures do not do this place justice. Due to the rain I didn't really bring my iPod out hiking so this is the view from our room. Also- happy belated mothers day to two of the best moms on the planet! We love you both very much.

Today we head off to Yangshuo on a bamboo boat- wish us luck!

All you need is love... (and a friend)

Today was a better day. Perhaps it was because I woke up unwilling to be filled with self pity or perhaps I just really needed a good nights sleep after the epic train ride. Either way I woke up to the sound of a pounding thunderstorm and felt as if the rain had washed away the negativity of the previous day. We had a lovely breakfast overlooking the Li River in Guilin and I even treated myself to a double espresso.

I have been thinking lately about interactions with people and the relationships we form based on experiences. Why is it that sharing something with someone else makes the experience seem more powerful? Be it a beautiful sunset, impressive mountain, or frustrating restaurant encounter it somehow seems to hold more truth when we have someone else there with us to validate our feelings about the occurrence. Maybe it's because beauty and pain are hard to put into words and we want someone there who just understands. Maybe its simply that humans are social beings and we like the company of others. Perhaps we need to hear the feelings of others to better formulate our own opinions about what we have seen. Having the ability to share an experience with another makes us feel less alone in the world. Take my bad mood the other day for example- even though I didn't need to I felt like venting to you through this blog would somehow help me to feel better.

I have had some incredibly interesting interactions with people while on this trip. Some are really great and meaningful while others have been irritating and frustrating. Every step of the way I have been so glad Brad has been here to experience this alongside me. He has been my sounding board, voice of reason, companion, and pep coach during this adventure. So far we have found that in China people are either indifferent to us or incredibly curious. Take the train station for example- prior to boarding we got tons of stares and everyone was very curious about what we were doing there. I dont think I have ever had so many people watch me eat a piece of fruit. Oooh, watch the Caucasian girl eat that fruit...so weird. Ooooh watch the Caucasian man zip up the backpack...strange. Oooh watch the Caucasian couple sit there and wait for the train...they are so patient. It was like being a monkey at the Denver zoo. After awhile of dealing with the stares Brad decided to do a little impromptu Vaudeville dance number ending with jazz hands that the crowd seemed to enjoy. Even waiting for the train becomes an experience. I suppose people are just interested in something that is different than their daily reality.

I often find when looking back at memories from the trip it's the different encounters with people that stand out the most, sometimes even more than the attractions we have seen. While on the train we met an elderly Chinese man named Huang who obviously wanted some new friends to share the train experience with. He was in our tiny four person cabin and although he spoke not a word of English that was not going to stop him. He was extremely sweet and very concerned we did not go hungry on the train. He made us eat his apples, cakes, and gave us a big bowl of instant soup. Keep in mind we also had our own food but he insisted by pushing it in our hands. Through the help of our translation book we explained we were from America which he did not like. He said a bunch of words in Chinese accompanied by head shakes- he had some serious grievances about America and obviously thought China was far superior. He made it clear he liked us though and he took multiple videos of us on his phone and gave us a gift of a new deck of playing cards. Perhaps in that 20 hours we helped change his mind about Americans in general. The picture below is Huang and Brad- best bunkies! I will probably forget about the uncomfortable beds, lack of privacy, and disgusting bathrooms (I was practicing self dehydration while aboard) but I know I will remember that smiling Chinese man that learned how to "high five" from Brad.

I think that the urge to share experiences with others begins at a very early age. I noticed when I taught preschool how willing kids are to just go up to another child with no fear of rejection. Adults could learn a great deal about bravery from kids in that aspect . I met one such girl on the train who was looking for a new friend. She was a three year old Chinese ball of fire. She saw me in my little cabin and told her grandfather she wanted to "go play with the pretty girl" (her grandfather translated) and play we did. Her photo is also below. A lot of kids here in China are very shy and fearful of us so this was a welcome change. She rejected Brad initially , calling him a "grandpa" in Chinese because of his beard. She loved all my jewelry but thought Brad's skull ring was "scary, not beautiful". Sister had a serious sense of style with her pigtails and hello kitty sweatshirt. We watched a Jetsons cartoon episode on my IPod, drew some pictures, and she tried to get me to let her watch Sex and the City but I assured her it was not right for her age bracket even though she was a little spitfire ahead of her years. She was so cute I even allowed her sit on my lap while she gnawed dried shrimps which completely grossed me out. She was probably interested in me mostly because I am different from her average playmate but we had a good time laughing together and counting to three in English.

Meals here in China are truly a shared experience. No one orders their own entree and dinner is a very social time with lots of loud laughs and hand gestures. I have yet to see someone Chinese eating alone at a restaurant. I am always pointing out crazy food to Brad and I'm so glad I have someone to laugh about it with. I have brought up the love for chicken feet (even sold packaged at convenience stores cause you just might need it on the go) but it doesn't stop there. Today we watched some guy sell river snakes and turtles he had caught from the polluted river for people to take home and cook. Intestines, tendons, birds nest soup, ducks tongue, and tripe are some popular menu items. They love their fermented eggs- yum yum yum! Apparently Chinese people even go so far as to eat-gasp- pizza with mayonnaise! My mind cannot wrap around the crazy. At least the people we see eating together generally seem to be enjoying themselves and sharing the experience together. Even in America it is rare to see someone eating dinner alone. Why is that such a rare phenomenon?

China is also land of the massive tour groups. In a country with 1.3 billion people its easy to understand why privacy is a luxury and it's easier (and perhaps for many more fun) to join the group. Today we forked over some dough and headed to a lookout mountain point/park. Everything, and I mean everything, costs money to do here in China. It can get really frustrating because sometimes you pay to get in to an "attraction" and then have to pay even more money to see yet another attraction within the attraction but we have gotten pretty good about finding the humor in it all. Sometimes it's worth handing over some money to get to experience a gorgeous temple or a little bit of nature and it makes me realize how spoiled I am to be living in Colorado and getting "free nature". We met a Canadian there who was very eager to talk to us about his experience in China thus far and where we have been. He told us he was glad to meet other North Americans. It was fun to be there with Brad and all the tour groups, laughing together as we all got stuck in a torrential downpour.

Speaking of companionship and the beauty of sharing experiences I also have to take a moment to say how proud I am to be an American today. I just heard that Obama "came out" in favor of marriage equality and I could not be happier. I passionately believe that two consensual adults who are in love should have every right to get married regardless of their gender. Getting engaged to Brad was one of the happiest moments of my life and I do not think anyone should be denied the right to that same freedom of joy. I am proud to say that I found my soul mate to marry and I wish each and every American (and elsewhere for that matter) that same good fortune to find their great love. I cannot believe in this day and age some people are still fighting this issue especially since marriage should be a choice between only the two individuals entering into the union. Lets choose to spend our time and energy solving more relevant issues at hand. I dont remember if I have already touched on this but when i tell people I am from America time and time again their faces light up as they call out, "Obama!" It would seem he is a symbol of hope for many people worldwide and today he is giving hope to the LBGT community. Let's be honest here as well- more weddings can only be beneficial for the economy. I am not trying to use this blog as a political platform or offend anyone with my personal views but rather I simply love love and have to express my happiness at the news I heard today.

Now that I have climbed off the pedestal of equality I wanted to thank you for taking this literary journey with me- the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's been an absolute pleasure having you along for the ride and being able to share my words with you. Another day in Guilin and then we head off to the villages of the Dragon's Back Rice Terraces in Longsheng County, China! Don't pack a heavy bag though apparently its a 40 minute uphill climb to get to our next hostel. Onwards and upwards!

Big boohoo baby blog

This blog might as well be called complainfest, because Im going to sound like a big venting boo-hooing baby. However I am not keeping a blog to tell travel fairy tales, half truths, or write a self help book so here it is. Sometimes I have horrible days and today feels like one of them. To start with I has to spend 20 hours on a train from Hangzhou to Guilin which is daunting but I really tried to be so positive about it. It all started with an hour long standing room only bus ride to get to the South train station then we paid a ton of money to be crammed into a tiny room (closet) on the train with two other people for 20 hours straight. Yet I continued to tell myself I would stay positive. Oh, then I got a "lady visitor" aboard this delightfully clean (insert extreme sarcasm here) train. Super fun, yet staying positive. Try to see the beauty in the situation and remember that I am going to one of the most beautiful places in China. I typed and typed this great blog about the people I met on the train and the experience of it and the beauty that rushed past me. I wanted to scream when we were running two hours late but forced myself again to just stay calm and know I can't control it. Instead I just typed the blog on my iPod to publish at a later date. Although it was too long for me I did have some really enjoyable experiences on the train. The limestone cliffs and glistening rice paddies were quite spectacular.

We arrived several hours late in Guilin and after yet another bus ride arrived at the hostel and we were pleasantly surprised by the room. We went downstairs and ordered food, as I had eaten only a doughnut so far in the day and it was already 3:00pm. As I take a few bites into my sandwich my teeth suddenly grind against something so hard I thought I chipped a tooth. I pulled out something clearish bits that looked almost like glass or some freaky bone particles and showed it to the server. She goes to get the cook who tells me it's uncooked rice. Rice, I assure you, cannot scratch the wood table like these sharp things could. He immediately took the first sandwich and remade it (which I did not ask for but was greatly appreciated) and thankfully the second one was better. I have a language barrier so I was just chewing lightly and hoping for the best. I managed to get through the rest of meal with all teeth intact.

As we began to walk around Guilin I tried to force myself to feel happy. I was in this beautiful place but just couldn't shake this sense of exhaustion and gloom. We walked around the streets for awhile until Brad found a place to get a haircut. After that we stumbled upon the night market and things really began to look up. I pulled freshwater pearls out of a live oyster and bought some lychees which are one of my favorite fruits. I felt my spirits really begin to lift without forcing them and I found myself happy to be in China once again. Guilin was looking up even though I was still having bizarre motion vertigo from being on the train for so long.

We decided to end the night by going to a cute looking pizza place, called Pizza Papa. We ordered half Hawaiian (for me) half something with peppers for Brad (who hates Hawaiian). All seemed good in the world until the pizza arrived. Instead of normal sauce my half was smeared with some white substance. Those of you who know me well all know my deep hatred for mayonnaise. I'm talking hate here. Sure, I can eat it if it's artfully mixed in to a tuna sandwich but the sight/taste of goopy straight up mayonnaise makes me feel like throwing up. There, all over my Hawaiian masterpiece, was oopy goopy slathered mayonnaise. I retrieved a menu, pointed at the words "tomato sauce" to the server, and asked why I had mayonnaise smeared all over the pizza. After a few minutes of confusion she consulted with the manager several times and finally figured out the translation on their menu was wrong but the manager insisted they could not do anything. Apparently in Chinese characters it said mayonnaise but clear as day in English it said tomato sauce. Brad and I both stared in disbelief at her. My mouth physically could not eat that hot mayo mess and they has already made us pay prior to eating. I was having terrible luck with food today.

We explained that it was not our fault their menu said the wrong thing and if they did not want to remake the pizza they could give us a partial refund, since Brad's half was fine. No problem either way it was their choice. This poor waitress was going back and forth between us and the lady manager, who began yelling from ten feet away while sitting at another table and wouldn't she even look at us. Based on the scene she was creating and the stares from the other customers I knew she was saying nasty business about us in Mandarin. She kept flipping her hands at us like we were dirty trash she wanted to take out and yelling all fast. The apologetic waitress went back and forth as she apologized to us in English that there was nothing she could do. I could handle the 20 hour train, I could handle the 1 hour standing bus ride with my 30 lb backpack, I could handle getting my lady visitor on a dirty train, and I could deal with biting into sharp objects but damn it all I was not paying for gross hot mayonnaise pizza. Enough was enough.

As the manager turned away and began to talk on her phone (please stop for a moment and try to imagine a manager of a restaurant in America sitting at one of their tables talking trash and yelling on the phone about a customer sitting ten feet away) brad finally threatened to go over there. I took matters into my own hands. Staying totally calm I went and just sat at her table and just stared at her, smiling the entire time. After a minute of this she knew i wasn't going anywhere. She wouldn't even look at me but finally motioned the server over again. She spoke in rapid fire Mandarin and the server then informed me they would be remaking my pizza after all. I thanked her very nicely and the manager got up and huffed off to sit outside. I could not believe anyone could treat a customer so poorly especially when it was clear that they had made the mistake. I have rarely ever been treated with such disregard the way I was tonight, especially when I stayed as nice as I did and never raised my voice. I'm proud of myself for not ever lowering to her level of rudeness even though it was tempting to yell back. After a few minutes the manager came back inside.

As we waited for the new pizza to finish cooking Brad suddenly noticed a long tail poking through the fake moss overhead covering the ceiling beams. Yes, ladies and gentlemen you guessed it! A huge rat was perched above us probably waiting to feast on the nasty mayonnaise pizza we left behind. I felt physically ill watching it's fat squirmy tail dip below the fake foliage as that creature sat above. Then the pizza finished cooking and we quickly asked to get it to go rather than sitting there another moment. As we were leaving after profusely thanking the waitress for helping us translate Brad turned around and went back up to the counter. He gave the waitress a thumbs up and said, "you were great and very nice. Thanks for your help." He then turned to the manager who had made me feel so upset and said,"But you are very rude! You were rude to her and I didn't like it." He gave her a big thumbs down and the waitress started to snicker. We both turned and walked out the door. I hope that rat falls on her head. If this was America I would report her to the board of health and safety yet here in China there really isn't anything I can do other than thank my white knight Brad for defending my honor with the thumbs down sign.

We arrived back at the hostel and ate the pizza (rat and all I was not throwing it away after all that hassle) and I had a chance to calm down. I rarely care what others think of me yet it was really upsetting and made me feel vulnerable when she made such a scene. I didn't like being talked about in a language everyone else around me understands- at least have the decency to say it to my face in English and then I probably won't care at all. To add a cherry on top of this day I got online to add the finishing touches to my earlier eloquent blog about the train ride experience when the iPod malfunctioned and the whole thing erased. Everything. All of my hard work was gone in a second along with my continued attempt at a positive attitude. Poof!

I feel like that book Alexander and the Terrible,Horrible,No Good Very Bad Day. I wish I could remember how it ends but I can't- instead my story will end with me going to sleep and being grateful that tomorrow is a new beginning that won't involve trains, carrying backpacks, mean managers, mayonnaise, or rats. Here's hoping...

I warned you this wasn't pretty. Such is life whether in Colorado, Timbuktu, or China. Its not like anything catastrophic happened whatsoever- rather a series of irritating events that combined with hormones to make a frustrating day. This trip isn't all about sunshine and roses. At least the bad days are few and far between and maybe I just need to look a little bit deeper. Perhaps today is just like that yucky looking oyster from earlier tonight- it looks dirty on the outside and inside is a lot of squishy stuff to get through but hidden within are also just a few beautiful pearls. Hopefully Guilin proves to be a pearl and I bet it will be a lot shinier in the morning.

Comparaholics Anonymous

As humans I think we have an innate want to compare and contrast things. We don't always realize we are even doing it but it's amazing how many times a day it's done without a second thought. "It's good, but not as good as..."or perhaps "wow, I love her hair I wish mine looked like that", "today was a better day than yesterday", "I wish I had that" or even simply "I've seen better". It wasn't until I came on this trip and decided to stop trying to compare that I realized what an over comparer I truly am. I'm addicted to comparisons. I even find myself comparing my frequency of comparisons against Brads frequency of comparisons-good God I have a problem.

On this trip I find myself comparing and contrasting at an alarming rate. I compare hostels we stay at, I compare street food vendors, and I compare the friendliness of the people I come across. I contrast cultural differences against that of America and mannerisms I deem to be strange. I compare the fashion I see on a daily basis to my own. I contrast food choices in the East vs West. Some things I think are acceptable to compare such as prices to make sure you get the best deal possible or comparing flights or trains or travel choices. Using websites and reviews can help find accommodation that is clean and tourist destinations that are worth seeing. That being said, however, I think that the majority of daily comparison actually leads us down a path of unhappiness. Either it makes us question the value of what we have or a choice that has been made or we are left feeling like "its" (or even ourselves) just not good enough. On the flip side some comparing leaves us feeling superior to others and in the end lessens the experience by which it was preceded. We are all just people trying to find our own personal path to happiness and it's important that our short term on this earth is not wasted with less thans and better thans.

I think one of the dangers of a trip like mine is the constant want to compare. A frequent question I hear is "what country has been your favorite so far?" My natural inclination as a comparison addict is to start rattling off the countries we have visited in numerical order based on rating. Most people pick just one country when they go on a trip or vacation and are never presented with the problem of comparing radically different places as if they can be lumped into the same category. I have been resisting that natural urge and forcing myself to look at each place we have been as many separate experiences that deserve to stand on their own. True we have stayed primarily in Asia and to many western people that seems like the countries would be similar. I have learned that is the opposite of correct. That would be like saying America and Mexico are the same because they are both located in North America. It's next to impossible to compare India to Thailand to China and so on. Granted some of the countries we have visited have certain similarities but they all have differences too- after all, Asia is a continent and not one big country.

I run into problems when I start comparing the places we have travelled and begin to walk the path to unhappiness. At first I didn't really like China very much. I can admit it. Perhaps it was due to a wicked cold I was fighting, the rainy weather in Beijing, or the intense spitting and shouting I was not accustomed to. I found myself saying to Brad, "They don't yell in Thailand. Why are people eating old eggs? This is not Thailand." No shit Ashley, you are not in Thailand anymore! As I started to give China a chance to be what it is rather than placing my own expectations and comparisons upon it I found that I quite like a lot of things about this place. That's not to say there are not things I experience in China that fill me with outrage but I have to remember I chose to come. When I decide to look at difficulties as an adventure it makes life a lot more fun. Sure, I have a much harder time communicating and I rarely know exactly what I have ordered to eat but that just means its an experience. After spending a few weeks here in China I do not mind the shouting, I have spit on the streets a few times, and I have gotten fantastically good at charades. I have vowed to let China stand on its own and not compare it to any other place we have been. Even still I find myself comparing places within China to one another (hmmm... I think I prefer Shanghai to Beijing) but even that is tricky because I go right back to the less than/better than scenario that I am trying to escape. Beijing has rich history and the Great Wall, Tianjin has Mt PanShan, Shanghai has the Bund and incredible skyscrapers, Suzhou has lovely gardens and canals, and there are still so many places left to see that each hold something special. Rather than comparing I am going to do my best to just be grateful for all the things I am getting to do and just let it stop at that, even when I have to wait an hour at the railway station or airport for a cab to my hostel. P.S. lines do not really exist in China.

We are on this trip to experience things that are different from America and though at times i might miss "my culture" its important for me to remember why I love travel. Everyday there is something new. Yesterday a Chinese man sitting at our table helped himself (without asking) to our bag of lychee fruit. They make your hands very sticky so I offered him some hand sanitizer. He accepted and then was perplexed, smelling it and slapping it on his elbows and knees. I was very amused but Brad and I quickly recovered and demonstrated how to rub hands together to use it properly. He finally figured it out, but still seemed pretty confused and continued to smell his elbows. Only in China!

Will I ever be able to stop comparing completely? Please, be real here. Im only human after all. I think a healthy amount of comparing is still an acceptable choice as sometimes this can cause us to feel more grateful or even inspired. It's when it becomes a compulsion that it's detrimental to our sense of self. I dare you, brave soul reading this blog, to watch how many times a day you find yourself comparing and contrasting. Perhaps just being aware of this habit will help us to lesson the frequency and then we can all feel a little more satisfied with the reality of what is. It's a long path to happiness.

As a side note, even after writing this blog I found myself wishing I had gotten different cookies at the bakery rather than the ones I chose. Now I'm stuck on a train with a sub par snack. But I am determined to turn over a new leaf and I will just be grateful that at least I have cookies and I'm not stuck with a fermented egg.

Off to Hangzhou!

The not so delicate art of selling to tourists...Asian style

Welcome to the Merchant School Of Hard Knocks. Thank you all for coming. Here are the guidelines you must follow if you hope to make a sale. Unfortunately you will have to go through all 9 steps many times before you can capture just one poor sap, but if you do not follow these rules you will fail.

Step 1: Say "hello" very loud followed by "okay" to test the rudeness level of cultural cordiality norms. If they acknowledge or even glance, proceed to call the mark sir or madam to make them feel important and establish the illusion that you are a harmless merchant.

Step 2: Use body to block pathway and change potential buyers walking trajectory. Make them walk around your outstretched goods if they be so bold.

Step 3: Try using a commanding voice and say "you buy!" followed by the price for one item that you would hope to earn for an entire days work. It has worked one time in folkloric tales of merchants old but it is worth a try.

Step 4: After three "no's" not two, it is important to not waste your tedious efforts up to now and quickly develop a rapport with the prospective buyer by displaying your linguistic knowledge. Counting to ten is a great start. Also state populations of major cities and if they are from America then be sure to say Obama with a thumbs up and Bush with thumbs down.

Step 5: Pull on heart strings after person had stopped to compliment you on your English skills despite your monetary handicap. Suddenly you are very tired from lack of calories and hydration. Explain how your work day began at 4:00am and your mother and grandfather are sick, you have no money for school and you lost your clothes and sister when your caulked wagon overturned trying to ford the Oregon trail river.

Step 6: Accompany step 5 with downtrodden eyes and frown. Slump shoulders too.

Step 7: Give a nearly fair price after audacious buyer has said two more "no's" and walked away over 20 ft.

Step 8: Yell final price.

Step 9: If all else has failed, insult in own language and approach next target.

Hello sir/mam thanks for listening to the blog. While we are at it, does anyone need a Cambodian postcard I have 20. Or maybe a broken kite. Does anyone need a stuffed key chain!? Only $8- You buy! Obama!

-Brad